


Circuit

by orphan_account



Category: Project Freelancer - Fandom, Red vs. Blue
Genre: AI Program Study, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Strange Pairings, Trans!South Dakota
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:36:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3833836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The soldiers from Project Freelancer manage to escape the Mother of Invention with minimal damage, and they are sent into exile as civilians on a distant planet. How long can domestic life truly hold them before their past comes back around? </p><p>Major Canon Divergence, Focus on the North/Wash/York ship. Random pairing with lots of fun plot and smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So in this story CT told the others about the crimes of the Director rather than try and take him down herself. They are an extremely close knit unit and worked together to escape, turning on the Director as one. The Reds and Blues aren’t really the Reds and Blues here, but rather random crew members that were on board the MoI and helped the Freelancers escape. I am also giving Caboose a goddamn upgrade because he gives me many feelings and I wanted his story to be different. He will also be referred to as MJ rather than Michael since Michael is also Maine’s name, to cut down on confusion. Caboose in this story was another member of Project Freelancer, Agent Pennsylvania, and he was the one that was implanted with Epsilon. Wash and Maine never got AIs in my version. As well there will also be AIs in this story that were never mentioned in the actual story line, due to Theta having in canon saying he had a sister even though no female AIs were shown besides Beta/Tex. 
> 
> Other random factoids that will help  
> \- South is transgendered, male to female, and transitioned long before she joined the marines.  
> \- Wash and North started their relationship on the MoI, the storyline will focus heavily on the North/York/Wash ship though  
> \- Also uhm I’m new to the sci-fi genre and am trying my best, please don’t laugh at my lack of knowledge on space, I’m working on it! ;)
> 
> [Freelancer Names]  
> [North] Andrzej Szczepanski (this is the Polish version of Andrew, when you see Drzej in the story just think Drew)  
> [South] Anastazja Szczepanski  
> [Wash] David Burroughs  
> [York] James Rice  
> [CT] Nora MacLeod  
> [Maine] Michael Creed

“She’s down!” North shouts, grabbing York by the back of the neck. Forcing him to keep moving.

The world goes hazy for a moment, bullets flying hazardously close.

“Are you sure?” York asked stupidly, refusing to believe what he had plainly seen. She had always been the strongest, the best.

“We can’t stop,” North shouts, it’s a death sentence. York knows this. He somehow makes himself follow. He’s pretty sure D took control the moment he saw limbs flying through the air.

They have control of the hanger, mostly thanks to the team Tex was leading. They would make a clean get away. York thinks of a cyan helmet bouncing off the ground, rolling. Head still attached.

Maybe not completely clean.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” CT shouts as the doors seal behind them.

“Carolina didn’t make it,” North says, evenly as he can. That gets the attention of all of them. Complete stillness.

“Are you sure?” Tex mimics York’s reaction perfectly. Her voice sounds odd.

York snaps.

“She’s in fucking pieces!” He shouts, rounding on North and shoving him hard enough to send the bigger man staggering into his sister. “We weren’t supposed to lose anybody!”

North is much too stunned to speak.

“Wyoming didn’t make it either,” South speaks for him, defensively. As if one death cancelled out the other. York goes to lunge at the man again but Tex intervenes. She holds out her hand and haults his steps, leaning forward and using her other hand to pull his helmet to hers. She butts her head into his a little, getting him to focus on her.

“Pull it together soldier. We have to focus now on not losing anyone else, do you understand that?” She asks him. Something in her voice calls him back to reality. Reminds him that if they fall apart, none of them will have a chance. They had to be a team.

“Understood,” He practically mumbles. Delta helping him bite his tongue.

She clacks their helmets together one more time, a little affectionately and faces everyone else. It was the most human he had ever seen her act. He wondered if the real Allison had been anything like her.

“We need to load up,” She told the group. “This is your last chance to bail, and honestly I wouldn’t blame you. We have a very high risk of spending the rest of our lives on the run. They might not ever leave us alone. This is the easy part.”

“We’re with you, boss,” Church says. He had been rather forced into a body, the Alpha, but he was clearly shattered. Exhausted. Tex would take care of him though, that much would be certain. She couldn’t leave him behind, she refused to leave any of the fragments behind. She would save them all.

 

**((0))**

 

“Hello Chairman,” CT says neutrally. She isn’t wearing her helmet, none of them are. She wants him to see their faces. To remember them. Anything to explain to him why they did this, and what it’s put them all through.

“Agent Connecticut, is it?” He asked, bemused. “What can I do to help you today?”

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking you know more about us than we do about you Chairman,” CT said sweetly and watched as his smile vanished. “Now that we have your attention sir, I would like to thank you in advance for our freedom. You see, we are all that’s left of Project Freelancer.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asked, looking somewhat alarmed.

“We fried the motherboard!” Some guy calls from the back of the group. CT turns to glare as one of Niners old fighter pilot buddies elbows the guy.

“Godammit Grif don’t you ever shut your wormhole?” The older man growls at him.

CT slowly counts to three, tries to remind herself that yes, the _entire_ team had been important to get them this far. She composes herself before she turns back to the Chairman.

“The Mother of Invention is currently incapacitated, floating around at an undisclosed location,” CT says rather sarcastically. “You see Chairman, all the information you need to know about the atrocities of the Project are there, and the man himself that made this shit show possible. You can be a hero, shut down the big bad guy, and when people ask what happened to the soldiers of Project Freelancer you are going to say the Director had his man execute us when he was boarded, so we wouldn’t spill his secrets.”

“You seem angry Agent Connecticut,” The Chairman said smiling. “Perhaps you would like to reassess this situation. What makes you think that I would cover up your team fleeing the evils it has inflicted on us all?”

“Because if you don’t I’m going to blow that ship to shit and you will lose everything. All your hard work, just to be an idiot in the end. Chasing ghosts.”

 

**((0))**

 

Most of them had been amazed that CT had been so confident in the face of the Chairman. There had never been much hope that the man would just let them go, but there had been a sigh, a pause, an infinite moment where he looked at all of them and said it wouldn’t be so easy as just letting them go. He would place a special unit in charge to keep track of them, and they would have to stay together at a location of his choosing, and never try to come forward about Project Freelancer again. They would cease to exist, their families would be told they were dead, they would never be allowed contact again.

In the end, they couldn’t really argue with him. To make him any more of an enemy would be bringing down a wrath that they had no intention of unleashing. A promise of a peaceful existence after all was enough to be willing to make the sacrifice. It was better than death, and life rotting away somewhere in prison. They would have each other after all, that would have to be enough. The Chairman had tried to insist that the AI fragments needed to be destroyed but Tex had refused to entertain the idea. She vowed that she could help them and then made quite the show of trying to grab the ‘detonator’ from CT when he continued to argue with her. The whole thing was quite theatrical and ridiculous. And it was just dumb enough to work.


	2. A Simpler Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just starting things out here! Also please comment and let me know what you think, I like to be an interactive writer!

Siratu wasn’t a bad planet when you got down to it. It was full of life and greenery, so what if the days were always a little too cold and the nights were incredibly long with four moons in the sky that caused immensely violent seas, which of course all the settlers of the planet were cozied up to. You couldn’t go too far inland because the trees were so thick and tall that you would quickly be dwarfed to nothing. Most of the land was too wild to be properly settled but most of the strange wildlife stayed very far inland, afraid of the sea. You know, the place where all the people are. So no _real_ big issues, aside from all the danger lurking everywhere.

There was a surprisingly large number of people on the planet, which none of them expected, being so on the edge of known galaxies as they were. Enough people to man a small hospital, a school, various shops, even a library. It reminded David of growing up in Kenai. It was almost like small town life, and the locals loved to gossip. They were the hottest commodity. He had trouble convincing anyone that he wasn’t a danger to society. That the people from the Project could be trusted not to turn into mad men and start killing everyone. Most of the town was made up of rejects of political society. People who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up witnessing something they shouldn’t have. Civilization had grown here though, some generations born and raised in Frontier, the largest of the three human towns on this planet. The natives gave the old Freelancers a large berth, little trust to be had. They had settled in eventually, but with the air of boogey men hanging over all their heads.

 

  **((0))**

 

“David,” He heard his name from somewhere by his left ear. It was much too early for this type of thing, he hadn’t slept well last night. The nightmares were still there, still strong even after all this time. He turned his face away, causing the other man to laugh. A low throaty sound that made him smile even in his half sleeping state. The bed shifted slightly and all of the sudden there was a great weight on him, mushing him down into the bed.

“You’re in a mood,” David mumbled and purposefully wiggled his body a little, making his boyfriend laugh again. There was nothing more beautiful to hear than that laugh.

“Yes,” He admitted. “But I made you breakfast. Coffee is at the ready.”

“You never came to bed last night,” David accused, pretended to pout. He still hadn’t opened his eyes but he could all too easily see Drzej rolling his own eyes.

“I came home from work and had a beer, fell asleep on the couch,” He explained.

“Old man,” David teased and felt a nip on his neck in response. His eyes opened then, taking in the beauty that was Andrzej in the morning. He was like sunshine, face glowing, light glinting off the snowy blonde of his hair. His eyes were still sleepy, yet alert and lustful, as he usually was when they woke up. His mouth, wide and firm, was already leaning towards him for a kiss. David allowed himself to be flipped onto his back, wrapping arms and legs around his boyfriend and kissing him deeply.

“I’ve never heard you complain before,” Drzej says, grinding his hips down into his boyfriend. David isn’t surprised to feel the other man’s erection, he’s usually like this when they wake up. It sends a little chill of anticipation down his spine.

“I’ve already started looking at nursing homes,” David teases again, and is rewarded by a venturous hand grabbing at his own growing length, squeezing ever so slightly until there is a slight whine escaping his throat.

“Now, now,” Drzej chides. “Do I have to put that mouth of yours to better use?”

David reaches up and kisses him, smile tugging his mouth up at the corners. He relaxes into the kissing, always having loved the way Andrzej takes his time with such things, how every kiss and touch was patient and passionate and full of love. It wasn’t like he had much to compare it to, he had been a virgin when all this had started, but he never once was left wanting for more. That was unless he thought of York. He quickly squashed the thought, not willing to let it ruin the moment.

The doorbell buzzed.

Think of the devil and he shall appear.

“He has the worst timing,” Drzej practically growling, pulled off of David slowly.

“Tell him to come back later,” David nearly whined. His boyfriend shot him a wink.

“We have all night for this,” Drzej insisted, going over to the dresser and pulling it open, fishing out an old shirt. He threw it at his boyfriend, effectively hitting him in the face. “Now get up!”

David rolled his eyes, watching the other man affectionately as he left the room to go answer the door. They had been together for a little over two years at this point. It had been hard in the beginning, hiding it from the others while they were in the Project, but then all that had ended and there was no reason to hide it anymore. Yet for some unspoken reason, they still kept it hushed up around James. There was no abundance of affection in front of him or declarations of love. It always seemed very strange to him but it was always the way things were done. He sighed and got into the shirt, going out to the living area to face the other two.

“Well good morning beautiful!” James called cheerfully, smirk in place already and a cup of coffee in his hands.

“When are you going to start drinking coffee at your own house?” David asked, pretending to be grumpier than he actually felt. Trying to ignore the fluttering in his stomach. It got worse and worse around him, and it truly made David feel pretty damn awful. He already had everything he could want, it was selfish and wrong to want more.

“Clearly when Drzej moves in and starts making it for me every morning,” James responded, smiling in that way that made David blush. He turned his face away, busying himself with getting some plates down. He refused to get flustered today.

“You’re apartment is too cluttered, he would go into a panic as soon as he walked in the door,” David countered, handing them each a plate and walking over to the stove to serve himself.

“True enough,” He admitted. Then his face shifted into something more serious, a rare moment indeed. “Hey have you guys talked to Tex lately?”

She was the only one of them who kept her Freelancer identity. She said she would never be Allison, and was content to make Tex her persona. She also didn’t visit the others much, unless she wanted to talk to Delta or Theta she rarely came to see them at all. She was too busy taking care of Church, working with the other fragments, undoing what most likely can never be undone.

“No not lately,” Drzej said, taking a seat at the table.

“She asked me if she could borrow D for the weekend,” James supplied, joining him.

“Are you going to let her?” David asked, sitting across from the two of them, still trying to make little eye contact. He remembered when she had borrowed Theta, how Andrzej had spent the days in a cloud, worried, anxious, and completely unwilling to ever let her do it again. He wondered if James would act the same way at the loss of Delta. They had been with the fragments for years now, they were practically part of them.

“He wants to go,” James answered, looking down into his mug. “I can’t really refuse him.”

Delta projected himself on the table, looking up at the three men with his head tilted slightly to the side. “There is no need to worry James,” He said, as reassuring as a being of logic could be. “I only intend to help her with her research.”

“I know D,” He said smiling. “I’m not worried.”

“Why don’t you stay with us for the weekend?” Drzej asked, causing David to finally look up at him. Was he imagining the nervous look on his boyfriends face, the way he was leaning into their best friend? A surge of jealousy coursed through him, mixed with something he couldn’t identify. He wasn’t sure exactly if he was jealous of Drzej showing attention to James like that, or of the fact that he couldn’t. They had been best friends for a long time, sometimes he felt like they were closer than he was to either of them. He tried to keep such insecurities to himself. Tried to convince himself it wasn’t true.

“You sure?” James asked, turning towards the older man. They were looking each other in the eye in a way that bespoke wordless communication.

“Of course,” He answered. “You’re always welcome here. Right David?”

They both turned to look at him, he cast his eyes on his plate.

“Yeah, whatever,” He said, trying not to sound so rattled.

 

**((0))**

 

The shop was relatively quiet. Nora was busy trying to organize the books and get things in order for the day. Ana was cleaning her station and enjoying the soft sounds of music in the air. It was a peaceful day so far, and she didn’t expect much business. She figured she would spend most of her day sketching, trying to hone back the skill she had lost when she joined the military. Setting up shop in a place as small as Frontier had been quite the challenge, but eventually she drew in customers, and got on the good side of the locals. The others had been rather surprised to see Ana’s little business flourish, even more surprised when she managed not to lose her cool with every idiot that walked into the place.

“Michael’s back,” Nora called from the front room, causing Ana to accidently knock her drawing pencils to the floor. The front door chimed as he walked in and she scrambled to pick up her supplies. She hadn’t seen him in months, yet he still had the power to turn her into a buffoon.

“Hey big guy,” Nora greeted cheerfully. “How was your trip?”

“Good,” He answered simply, never one for more words than strictly necessary.

“You a paying customer today?” She asked, setting aside her broom and going to sit behind her desk. Mike moved to follow her, leaning against the counter and smiling at her.

“Yeah, where’s Ana?” He asked.

“I’m here,” The woman herself replied, coming out from the back and tying up her hair. It had gotten quite long since they went into exile, and she saw no need to keep it short anymore. She allowed herself to relax into civilian life as fully as she could. While she still liked to keep in shape and stay sharp, she no longer saw the need to keep herself to such a strict military readiness. Ana would be the first person to choke you if you suggested she had gotten soft however. “You finally going to let me finish that chest piece?” She asked.

Michael nodded, settling his eyes on her. She always had this feeling that he saw her completely, more fully than anyone else did. That he knew her secrets and didn’t care. The others didn’t know how beautiful his smile was, how deep and comforting his laugh. Those things, well she wanted them to belong only to her forever. She would never allow herself the foolishness of falling in love, but she would allow whatever game it was that he always seemed to be playing with her. She knew it would never go too far or get to serious, but maybe there was a joy to be had in that as well.

“Well come on back and jump on the table, I’ll get the gun and ink ready,” She tells him. She wants desperately to know about how is trip to see Tex went. He spent a lot of time out there, helping with her research, running jobs and tests for her. He never said much about it, like everything else in his life. Ana guessed that he was probably a lot smarter than he let on, or that he relied on others categorizing him as a brute. She knew a thing or two about being judged on appearance alone.

She tried to focus on her ink and not him removing his shirt as they moved to her station. She wanted things to be in perfect order, she was like that when it came to her art. He seemed so much bigger in her little corner. She had grown up around Drzej of course, the two of them rather tall as it was, but she seemed normal sized compared to Michael. They both made Nora look comically short.

“It’s been a while,” He says conversationally, leaning back on the table and waiting in patience.

She tried not to get angry. He always laughs when she gets angry with him anyways, there is no point in it. She tries not to shout at him for leaving without a word. To leave her here with so many questions unanswered. To just fucking vanish. It had only been a kiss, perhaps nothing to him. She didn’t care anyways. Though perhaps if she knew that he did…

No, she didn’t care. He had fucking left.

“How’s Tex and Church?” She asks instead of losing her temper. The question sounds strained though, and judging by how closely he’s watching her, he knows that’s not what she wants to talk about.

“Surviving,” He says truthfully, because to say they were doing well wouldn’t be doing their current situation justice.

“I suppose that’s good,” Ana says, putting a clean needle on her gun. She sits on her little purple stool and scoots herself closer before cleaning off the half-finished tattoo that sprawls across Michael’s chest. He’s staring at her, and she refuses to look him in the eye again.

“We should talk,” He tells her. She ignores the flare up of rage those words bring.

“You hate talking,” She grits, peddling her tattoo machine to life.

“Not with you,” He says to her. She tries very hard not to smirk, and fails miserably. He offers her a tentative smile in return.

“Shut up and let me concentrate,” She says, half smile still in place. They would have plenty of time to figure things out, and that was beautiful to both of them.

 

**((0))**

 

The hospital never allowed visitors at night, but always made exceptions when it came to visiting MJ. Most of the staff was enchanted by the man, even if he was rather simple and could never be trusted to help with even the most simple of tasks. It was his smile and innocence that had all the nurses wrapped around his finger, if only they knew he hadn’t always been like this. That once he had been a hardened soldier, brutal and ridiculously powerful. Not much was left of that man. Epsilon had destroyed him.

“Hey Tucker, how’s he doing?” Nora asked as she walked into the room. It was kept dim at night but there was still enough to make out the faces of the two men. They were playing checkers, but it looked like MJ wasn’t paying much attention. It was probably a bad day.

“He hasn’t said a word all day,” Tucker said, standing up and stretching. “We watched cartoons for a bit and he perked up, but other than that it’s been pretty blank.”

“Did he sleep last night?” Nora asked, walking up to the bed and affectionately pushing thick brown curls up off his brow. She would bring her scissors next time and trim it for him.

“The nurses said he had some pretty bad episodes,” Tucker supplied, shouldering on his jacket and clearly eager to get home and get some rest. She tried to make sure there was always someone here with him, but that order got harder to fill the more they settled into their own lives. She smiled kindly at her friend and clapped him on the shoulder in dismissal. This was the usual habit anyways, Tucker and her switching off on keeping him company.

“See you tomorrow Nora!” He called on his way out, seeming to pull MJ slightly out of his fog.

“Oh hello Miss Nora,” MJ said with a sweet smile. She tried not to get emotional, just as she always had. Tried not to remember strong sure arms, the man who always had her six, the person who would sing her to sleep at night.

“Hey honey,” She said, only slightly choked up. “How are you feeling today?”

“Oh I feel fine!” He assured her. “Can we go get ice cream?”

“Of course,” She says, smiling genuinely this time. She hooks her arm underneath his, guiding him to stand up off the bed. Not because he can’t do it himself but she just loves to touch him sometimes like she used to, stuck in the past with him as she often was. In denial of this shell he was in. He was in the same shirt he was in last time she visited, two whole days ago. She would have to remember to bring him some more clothing. He didn’t always have to stay in the hospital, only when things got really bad.

“Will you stay tonight?” He asks her.

She’s very glad he can’t see the way that makes her face pinches up in pain. “Yes honey, I’ll stay with you tonight.”

She hates staying with him at night, hates to listen to the way he screams another woman’s name out in pain.


	3. You Are Not In Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some backstory, a tiny bit of plot things but not quite, and relationship drama. I know I'm marching in years late to this fandom but I give no fucks. The next two chapters are already done, it's too late to stop me now.

The night was eerily quiet, and CT couldn’t help but think that this was all a set up. In the very least, that it was a mission they weren’t expected to complete. They hadn’t been able to contact Indiana or Michigan, and she was starting to wonder exactly why that was. They should have been here, ready for extraction.

“Penn?” She asked, whispering even though only the members of her team would be able to hear her. A firm grip on her shoulder told her he was right there, watching her back as always. It had been like that since day one, they were a good team.

“I’m picking up some pretty heavy heat signatures,” He told her, pointing to the looming dunes. There shouldn’t be much heat here, the planet was all cold rocks and sand. He knew more about alien technology then anyone on the team, mostly because he had spent so long as a prisoner of war before he was recruited into the Project. Of course that was something only Connie knew.

“How hot?” She asked, checking her tracker.

“Not human,” He confirmed her unasked question.

“Let’s keep moving,” She suggested, then switched channels to B team’s frequency. “Wash?”

“Got nothing on the buildings Connie,” Came the quick reply. “They’re abandoned.”

“We got nothing here either,” She told them.

York’s voice came through. “CT, I think I found Indy.” He sounded almost hesitant. The news was surely bad, just like the feeling creeping up her neck.

“Where?” Her and Wash asked at the same time.

“Well, half of him is behind Outpost Building 17,” York said, false chipper voice covering up what could only be anger. He had been bunking with Indiana since the start of the project, rivals on their best days, but every life counted.

“His legs are by 10,” Maine’s surly voice punctuated.

CT didn’t need to be told anything else before she found her way bounding towards the Outpost buildings. This facility was used for research of hazardous experimentation on Alien artifacts, but had been shut down a few years back. She could only guess the types of things that may still be hidden here, or the kinds of people who might be here trying to loot something valuable. The gravity on this planet was slight, making her practically flying towards her goal. She had always been rather fast anyways, and found that she had quickly left Penn in the dust. He would catch up when he could.

She had a hollow feeling in her gut, knowing now that if Indy was dead that Michigan was probably of a similar situation. They were dropping like flies recently, California had her head blown off last week and Vermont losing a leg and arm the week before in a training accident. When she had been recruited for an ‘experimental’ government program, she had been ill prepared for just how careless they were with the experimented. They shouldn’t be thinning out like this, soon there wouldn’t be many of them left, and then what would the Director do? Her hatred for the man grew daily.

When she reached building 17 she found York had removed Indy’s helmet and was trying to pull up his latest camera log, hoping for a clue on how a grown man had been perfectly split in half at the waist. CT skidded to a halt next to him, Wash and Penn coming within the minute and all of them gathering around York. The Rookie seemed to be a little shaky and she placed an arm about his torso to steady him. He gave her a nod of thanks as York finally cracked the helmet log and projected the video to all of them.

 

_“Hey Michigan!”_

_“Michigan!”_

_“HEY MICHIGAN!”_

_“WHAT!?” The other man finally snapped, whipping around and looking down the hill at him. Indy laughed and waved in a friendly manner._

_“Hey man, what do you think of Ohio? Shave or wax?” He asked._

_“Oh man fuck you,” Michigan says and turns away. After a few seconds there is a laugh. “Definitely full bush.”_

_Indy laughs too, then fumbles with the lock on the back door to building 17. It’s a truly hideous shade of orange. He is just getting the lock to go his way when Michigan calls him over, says he thinks he found something important. There is a distant ticking sound that neither of them hear at first. Indy sighs and goes to see if his partner indeed did find something important or if this is the 12 th interesting rock-like contraption he’s found that does absolutely nothing. He checks his trackers again, just to make sure they’re not picking up anything. Can’t shake the feeling something is following them around. _

_“What is it?” He asks upon his approach. Something indeed was found. It was round and made of a cold looking black metal, a strip of spikes around the outside edge of it, top and bottom flat and featureless._

_“Hell if I know,” Michigan states. “I’ll contact the Mother and ask if they want to pick it up.”_

_There is a crackle over the radio._

_The ticking sound grows louder._

_“Hey do you hear that?” Indy asks, forgetting that Michigan is contacting the Director._

_Red floods his vision, bright and searing and blinding him instantly. The device shoots up out of the sound, whirling so fast that the spiked edges turn into a blur of motion indistinguishable from the rest of the thing. The ticking stops as the spikes unravel from the edge, forming a deadly sharp whip, flinging out and catching Indy across the stomach, severing Michigan at the shoulders._

_An explosion._

_Darkness._

The feed stops and Wash quickly removes his helmet to vomit before quickly replacing it so he could breathe. The images had been quite vivid, and CT can still see them playing behind her eyes which were squeezed tightly shut. It didn’t make sense to her, if Michigan had contacted the Director about the object than they had prior knowledge of it and knew exactly how Michigan and Indiana had vanished. _Died,_ she corrected herself. There had been no need to send the team down here.

“Do you hear that?” Penn asked.

Ticking.

“Get down!” He had shouted, thrown her into the sand and put his body over hers.

 

**((0))**

 

She wakes up from the dream, surprised at how exact it had been. More of a memory than a dream. It was the day that pushed her over the edge, made her start questioning the Project and what they had been doing. She tried to shake the dream off, tried to focus on the chaos around her. Someone was screaming.

“No! Allison!”

Instinct took over, she rolls onto him, pinning his shoulders with her knees. He was much stronger than she was, but in sleep she could over power him if she was quick enough. He hadn’t started thrashing yet, and his eyes were still closed. She remembers very clearly the time she had woken in the night and he had a gun pointed to his own head, pacing the room, eyes glazed over, blaming himself for her death. A death that MJ had absolutely nothing to do with, but was punished for all the same. She leaned down next to his ear, putting her mouth right to it.

“Wake up!” She says passionately. She wouldn’t shout, she had made that mistake before and been choked until she blacked out. She pushed down harder with her knees, trying to keep him still.

“Your name is Michael J Caboose,” She tells him. A well-rehearsed line. “You were a moon colony brat. You were a marine, you were a prisoner, you were a Freelancer. You are safe now, it is over. There is no Allison Church.”

She repeated the words until his eyes opened, tears falling of their own accord and chest heaving under her. He looked at her wildly for a second before recognition set in and she knew that he was here in the present. He never recognized her when he was still under Epsilon’s trance. This was the third time tonight she had to wake him up.

“Miss Nora?” He asked in confusion. She eased off him a bit, scooting down to straddle his waist instead, hands automatically coming up to push the curls off his forehead. There was something she found beautiful at the moment he came back to himself, something young and vulnerable that she fiercely wanted to protect.

“Go back to sleep baby,” She says. His eyes are searching hers and she knows what he’s doing. He’s trying to see if he hurt her, trying to remember what he has done to make her look so sad. He places a tentative hand on her hip, trying to get her to look him in the eyes. The hand isn’t helping stave off the wave of despair that’s threatening to swallow her. She remembers sweating bodies, desperate, clinging to each other, trying to just fuck away the pain of their lives. When they had been together it had been need, compassion, and completion. Things weren’t like that anymore. They never would be again. They had tried once, but his eyes had gotten that faraway look and he had called her Allison and she couldn’t bear to let him touch her like that anymore. She couldn’t compete with a woman who wasn’t real to him but that dominated his mind anyways. A person they had never even met.

She got off of him and went to lie on her side next to him again, practically man handling him onto his side as well so she could hug herself to his chest. He wouldn’t see her crying that way. He rubbed his hand lazily up and down her back, holding her ever so lightly. It was easy to pretend this way.

“Goodnight Caboose,” She says, smiling to herself and remembering saying that every night before they had gone to sleep on the Mother. They had never used codenames in private.

“Goodnight MacLeod,” He says and she can hear laughter in his voice.

It isn’t until she is on the cusp of sleep that her breath hitched and she felt a wild surge of hope that she tries to snuff out. She had told him her real name long before Epsilon had happened, and after, the only name she had given him was Nora. It had always been Miss Nora to him, he remembered her face but not what and who they had been when they were together. If he remembered that, would he remember anything else? Would he come back to himself? She had long ago abandoned such thoughts, but just the sound of her name on his tongue like that brought them all back in a flood. She knew what the doctors said, but they didn’t know MJ like she did, of all the things he had already pulled through. He could pull himself back, and for the first time in years she allowed herself to believe that, if only so she would sleep peacefully.

 

**((0))**

 

“David!”

It isn’t the usual voice he hears in the morning, and definitely not the normal volume. A weight hits the bed next to him and sends him flying and crashing on the floor. He tries very hard not to get up and choke him to death.

“Dammit Jamie how the hell did you get in here?” He grumps instead, standing up and grabbing a pillow, hurling it at his head.

“Hey take it easy! Locksmith, remember?” James laughs. “Someone is clearly very happy to see me,” He continues, staring pointedly at a very profound case of morning wood. David flushes scarlet and grabs the pillow back, covering himself with it and shooting death glares at his best friend.

“Get out!” He shouts, and hates how childish the whole thing feels. Things were always kind of like that with James, who loved to pick on him and get him flustered. He was sure it was the other man’s favorite pastime.

“O’cmon man! I’m depressed, D is gone, Drzej is working, and I’m bored! Let’s go to the lake,” James says, getting up off the bed anyways and going towards the door.

“The lake is freezing!” David complains, trying to control his features. Most likely failing.

“Man up!” James calls over his shoulder, exiting the room without shutting the door. Typical. David just sighs and rolls his eyes dramatically. He wouldn’t say no to him, even though he supremely should have.

 

**((0))**

 

The lake is on the outskirts of the forest, the last place you will find any human life before the wilderness dominates the landscape. It is also the only body of water that is safe to swim in, even if the water is ridiculously cold. You will always find someone here. Today was no different, a couple of kids taking turns pushing each other off a rock and a chubby tan guy and his boyfriend napping on the far shore. David hadn’t been here in a while but knew it was always the place James came to when he was feeling down. He said the water reminded him of home. He was an earther like David, but raised in the Great Lakes region.

“So what time does Drzej get home?” James asked, thumping himself down on a felled tree that was thicker than most trees back on earth. Everything on this planet seemed enormous to him, made him feel dwarfed in comparison.

“Probably before first moon,” David answered, meaning early evening. Drzej worked at the robotics station in the middle of town, fixing anything he could, sometimes building completely new equipment. He had been a godsend to the people there, and David was glad to see him being productive, which in turn made him happy. So what if he came home every night exhausted and smelling like fuel? Anything that made Drzej happy made David happy too.

“So that means I get you all to myself today?” James asks, looking up at him with a rather charming smile that always made David’s legs go to water. He sits next to him on the log, but far enough away that there is no chance of accidental contact. There was only so much a guy could take.

“I guess,” David says quietly, staring at his scuffed shoes. “How is it, without D?”

James sighs loudly and elbows him. He clearly didn’t feel like answering that, but the reaction was enough to be read loud and clear. _Lonely._ That’s how Drzej had described it at first. Like his head felt empty and part of himself was missing. Like someone shut off his inner voice and he couldn’t quite figure out the simplest of his thoughts. It was better not to think. James suddenly stood, ripping off his shirt, kicking off his shoes, and running towards the water. He hit it with a great splash and disappeared under the surface for a moment.

“COLD!” He shouted when he came up for air, making some of the kids turn towards them and laugh. “Get your ass in here!” He demanded of David.

“No way, I’ll stay here. I like this log,” He said smirking. He closed his eyes and stretched out on it to drive the point home. A part of him knew Jamie wouldn’t just take that from him, and wasn’t surprised to hear him getting out of the water and coming for him. Cold, wet hands grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him upright.

“I said get in the damn water,” He said, hauling David towards the frigid shoreline. The younger man struggled back, digging his heels in. He knew he would probably end up in the water either way, but what fun was it if he didn’t put up a fight? If he didn’t pretend this wasn’t exactly what he wanted? James’ hands on him, chest and abs gleaming from the water, and close proximity? Yes please! He would allow himself these moments, since they would be all he would ever get anyways.

“Let go!” He cried out, laughing, pushing back against his friend. James threw an arm around his shoulders, using his shorter frame to haul David down to his level, giving him more control. It was a little harder to fight back when you were bent in half and mushed into someone’s side.

As predicted they toppled into the water, David with his shoes and all. He had been right, the water was cold! It hit his skin like needles, but was strangely invigorating as well. He detangled himself from the other man and broke for the surface and air, James coming up not a moment later right next to him, laughing deeply. He put his hand on David’s face and shoved him back a bit.

“Hey bully!” David called out, lunging forward and finally using his height to his advantage, putting his hands on Jamie’s shoulders and forcing him down under the water. He held him down long enough to show that while he allowed himself to be thrown into the water, he was actually in control here, before letting the other man come up for air. He took a couple over dramatic gasps and turned to face David, look of fake indignity in place.

“You’re such a dick,” He accused, and to David’s eternal sexual frustration, pouted.

If you asked him a million times, he would still say he was unsure how it happened. Who had initiated it. But suddenly he found himself leaning towards James, there was a hand at his waist, one that latched on to the back of his neck as well. He found himself lidding his eyes, anticipating something he had no business wanting. When lips met his, he had gasped, his body reacting quickly. He had pressed his body into the other man, had allowed his lips to be dominated and his hair to be pulled. It was a moment that he forgot to breathe during, had forgotten most everything. Had most certainly forgotten his boyfriend, whom would be devastated by this turn of events. The thought of Drzej’s face was the only thing that made him shove James away, though he wished he could have clung to him, could have taken things further.

He stormed blindly back to shore, ignoring the way his name was called after him, the string of apologies that were stalking him. How could he have done this? He ruined everything. David was atrocious at keeping secrets from Andrzej, one look at his face would give him away. How would he ever face Jamie again? They were neighbors, they were best friends, and he was best friends with his boyfriend. He tried to keep the panic down, to remember to breathe. A hand caught his shoulder finally, turning him around.

“David, hey!” James said, both hands clasping to his shoulders. “My fault okay?” He asked, trying to get David to look him in the face. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry! I’ll explain it to Drzej if you want, I’ll tell him it had nothing to do with you.”

That sobered David up in a frightening way. He shoved James. Hard. “You knew!”

“Of course I knew,” James said, looking more hurt than he should. After all it was David who had to deal with the very possible repercussion of this ruining his relationship. “You guys are my best friends, you think I didn’t know you were in love?”

“How long?” David asked, voice even and strained.

“Since the beginning,” He admitted and had the decency to look abashed. “I’m sorry I kissed you, I just couldn’t stop myself.”

“That’s no excuse!” David shouted. He was trying to hide the fact that he was so sure he had been the one who had initiated it, that he couldn’t stop _himself_.

“David please,” James said, pleading in his voice. “Please don’t be mad at me. If I had D still he would have stopped me, he always helped me when it came to you.”

“What do you mean when it came to me?” He asked, it was a whisper, his throat was too tight with panic to shout a second time. The look in James’ eyes said it all, and suddenly David’s vision swam, even as he heard the words he had dreamed about ten thousand times. It was so wrong. He had always thought it would be a different way, that he would walk in on Jamie saying these things to Drzej, not the other way around.

“I’ve just…been in love with you for such a long time,” He said.

David ran.


	4. A Touch of Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! I promise things don't stay a mess forever, but they will be for a few chapters. There will also be sex and stuff soon so get excited because I sure am!

Home was silent. An uncomfortable, gnawing silence that was threatening to undo him. A shower hadn’t helped, no matter how searing hot it had been something else was already burning in him. Next he set to doing chores, but he was so wired and anxious that he did all of them within an hour and was now left sitting in the kitchen, staring at the front door. What was he going to say? There was a more important question though.

Who was he waiting for?

Some part of him had thought James would chase him home, would talk about it. He loved to fucking talk. Another part of him thought maybe it was a joke, or a waking dream, or really any possibility that it wasn’t what it actually was. His best friend was in love with him, and to be honest, he was probably just as in love with James. It made him sick to think about, it was wrong, and there was no way you could be in love with two people at once. Except that he was.

How could he not love Andrzej? The man who was always watching out for everyone else, forgetting sometimes to take care of himself as well. Someone who would cook you dinner and give you presents and never once expect anything in return. A man who paid attention to every detail when you talked, because nothing would ever not be important to him. Someone who remembered birthdays and anniversaries, but never took it over the top. Always balanced and steady and safe. A man who was home, and who David couldn’t even function without anymore. How would he go on when Drzej wasn’t there to wake him up in the mornings, or push him to be his best self every day and was always ready with the exact words he needed to hear right when he needed to hear them? How was he ever going to sleep at night when the ptsd kicked in and no one was there to hold him?

A traitorous little part of his mind said, _James could do those things for you._

That was wrong. James was the man with no plans. He perpetually forgot everything, was always late, probably spilled coffee on himself on the way over. He wasn’t the best at listening to you, and frequently he liked to push buttons. Who cares if he was always ready to make you smile, how every time he was around life instantly became an adventure? How could it ever matter that it was practically impossible to get angry at the guy, and he could turn any bad situation into a good one some way? True, he occasionally did surprise you with how passionate and intelligent he could be. But then he would go and blow it by doing something crazy, _like kissing you at the lake when he knew you had a boyfriend!_

Now everything was ruined and they would all hate each other.

He was so busy moping that he hadn’t noticed the front door had opened until it was already closing again. Drzej stood in the doorway and at the sight of him David shot out of his seat, sending the chair crashing backwards. The other man wore a look of exasperated amusement, like maybe he had been standing there a moment trying to say something and hadn’t been heard. What was he doing home so early? Had it been a slow day at the shop? He needed more time! Suddenly he grabbed his jacket off the floor and righted the chair before bolting towards the door. If he could just escape now then this … well it wouldn’t have to happen _now._ He actually tried to shoulder past Drzej without saying anything, no such luck however. Damn arm, he silently willed it to fall off so he could keep walking.

“Hey!” Drzej said, still with a touch of humor in his voice. David supposed that was a blessing. Andrzej had a cold and menacing temper that didn’t come out very often, but when it did it was better to be far from the storm zone. “Where are you going? Did something happen?”

He blurted out the first excuse he could think of. “I’m going to visit Caboose!”

“Alright, I’ll go with you,” The other man started to reply. He was cut off sharply.

“No!” David cried out. He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to ignore the look of shock the other was wearing. “It’s just that he’s in the hospital again and I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Alright,” Drzej says, letting go of his arm and backing away a few steps. Before David can get to freedom however, his voice drifts out again. “Whenever you get back I hope you will respect me enough to tell me the real reason you don’t want me to come.”

Shit.

He knows.

Abandon mission.

Run.

 

**((0))**

 

It seemed like it took ten years for the door to open. He had played out so many reactions in such a short time that he was positive D was starting to have a real effect on his brain. It was weird not to be in complete control of himself, was this how normal people lived? Just trusting themselves? How had he done this before? When the door opened he thought his heart would stop, and it kind of did.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself,” Drzej said moodily, standing aside and motioning for him to enter. “Why does everyone look so shocked to see me today?”

James entered like everything was normal. He was much better at playing it cool and keeping his composure. He settled his heart rate and concentrated. All he had to do was be himself. He could do that, right? “What do you mean?” He asked, going to the fridge and grabbing a beer. That was normal.

“I thought David was going to have a fit or something when I walked in. You would have thought I was a ghost,” Drzej told him, going to sit at the table. That was meaning he was going to want to talk about it, not sit in the living room and mindlessly watch a movie or something. Jamie cursed under his breath.

“Well I know a couple of ghosts who would come back and haunt that kid,” James says with a smirk, trying to distract his friend. “Remember Kentucky?” It must have worked slightly because Drzej laughed a little.

“Oh man, he used to fuck with that guy so bad,” He says laughing. They rarely talk about the project and when they do it’s always very careful. Only ever memories from the old days, the smaller the count, the less likely they would ever talk about it.

“He was creative with it too! Stealing his right boot every two weeks, convincing him that late morning Tuesdays was a thing,” James supplied.

“And when he missed his early morning session with my sister the Director let her wake him up personally,” Andrzej says, laughing in earnest now.

“He had that black eye for weeks,” Jamie says smiling. “I still can’t believe he convinced him that Florida was a cyborg.”

“You know maybe that guy was just an idiot,” Drzej supplies, and now they’re both laughing. James knew that if he could just keep a smile on both their faces, the hard things won’t have to get talked about. He won’t have to listen to the other man contemplate why his boyfriend was acting so strangely. James wouldn’t have time to worry himself sick over what he was going to do with this big mess he just made. He was going to pieces without D.

Somehow he always managed to keep it cool.

“Hey, why don’t we go to town and get some pizza?” He asks suddenly. His friend contemplates it for a few moments before shrugging.

“I guess, I still don’t see why we subject ourselves to the horror that is pizza on this planet.”

“Because it’s pizza, I’m paying, and you love me,” Jamie says with a wink.

He had no idea just how true his words were.

 

**((0))**

 

David decided it was better to keep his word than not, and made his way to the hospital in a blind dash. He wished he would have thought to grab his skateboard before he left, but he supposed he was just lucky to have gotten out in mostly one piece. It wouldn’t look weird for him to be skating around town or visiting his old friend. It did look rather odd to have him barreling down the street, especially if one were to look closely and realize he had forgotten to put on shoes.

The woman at the front desk gave him a nod when he came in, told him without looking up from her work that Caboose was in the psych ward, room 206, as usual. He was grateful she didn’t give him a hard time, would probably have suggested he commit himself too by the look on his face. He was trying to calm down as best as he knew how, but today had been a very revealing day so far and he wasn’t good at processing things on his own. Usually when he was put out he talked to the very two men he was trying so very hard to avoid now.

Once he reached room 206 he knocked tentatively before pushing the door open. Nora was asleep in an arm chair, curled up like a cat with a book on the floor in front of her. MJ was sitting cross legged at the end of the bed, watching her closely. He seemingly didn’t hear the knock, but was aware that the other man was there all the same.

“Hello David,” He said quietly, not turning to look.

“Hey MJ,” David responded and pulled up a chair to the end of the bed. They sat in silence for a while, Caboose watching Nora and David watching him. Something seemed different about him today, he just couldn’t put a finger on it.

“You’re sad today,” MJ commented out loud.

“I’m just confused buddy,” David admitted. Even before Epsilon, MJ had always been good at reading people. It was very hard to lie to a person like that and so most people stuck with the truth around him. Even after the accident the man had kept that uncanny people sense, always being sensitive to the moods of those around him.

“I am confused as well,” The other man said slowly.

“Oh yeah? What are you confused about?” David asked curiously. Even on a regular day there was any number of things that could easily confuse him.

“I had a very odd dream last night Agent Washington,” The man said, and the words made David go deathly still. He hadn’t been called that name in a long time, and it froze the blood in his veins. He was scared that if he even moved a fraction of an inch he would crack all apart.

“Where did you learn that name?” He whispered, but it was so slight, he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs to form the words all the way. He was actually hoping that Caboose was having an episode, that he would start screaming for Allison soon and not mention anything else about the Project, something that still gave David nightmares from time to time.

“I remembered it,” MJ said, as if were the simplest thing in the world. He was still staring at Nora.

“What else do you remember?” David asked, only slightly louder. He still couldn’t get his lungs to work. He was most definitely going to have a heart attack today.

“Her,” He said distantly. “Her and Epsilon.”

It was strange to hear the other man so present, so subdued and aware. Usually he was babbling about something idiotic, not paying much attention to what was happening around him. He had never once talked about Freelancer since coming to this planet, unless it was in one of his episodes and he was screaming or having a fit. David had always thought that after everything the man was put through, he reverted to the simplest version of himself and repressed everything else. Was it possible it was coming back? That he was willing to face it now? He was unsure what it was like to have an AI, he had spent enough time around Theta to know the little guy, but having one constantly live in your head was something completely different. What in the world had it been like to have one self-destruct in your mind? To have bits and pieces scattered around, infecting all that you were.

“How does that make you feel?” He asked, hating how much it made him sound like shrink. The other man finally tore his eyes away from Nora and looked at him.

“How does what make me feel?” He asked, sounding rather childlike.

“Remembering.”

“Remembering what?” He asked, looking confused.

“But you just said..” David started, but quickly realized whatever brief moment of lucidity Caboose had just had, it was already gone. He couldn’t say he was sorry for it, he had no desire to talk about the project.

“Why do you look so sad?” MJ asked, with such a real look of concern on his face. David couldn’t help but sigh, trying to give the other man a reassuring smile.

“It’s just been a confusing day,” He supplied.

MJ nodded solemnly. “Because James kissed you.” It was a statement, not a question and it sent David, for the second time today shooting out of his chair and sending it crashing to the floor. This in turn woke Nora with a start as she looked wildly about the room, clearly expecting some kind of danger. She had little time to register what was going on before David turned a lovely shade of red and started shouting.

“Who told you that?!” He demanded to know. Caboose for his part looked unconcerned with the other man’s anger.

“Tucker told me this morning,” He explained.

“How the hell did Tucker find out?!”

“From Donut!”

“HOW DID FUCKING DONUT KNOW?!”

“Know what?” Nora tried to intervene but was soundly ignored.

“Grif told him over morning tea,” MJ explained.

“Donut and his fucking tea parties,” David growled. “So Grif saw us at the lake?”

“Saw who? What is going on?” Nora asked, standing up and physically standing between the two men so they couldn’t continue to leave her out.

“He saw James and David kissing this morning,” MJ supplied, to David’s complete frustration.

“You’re cheating on Drzej?” She asked, mouth forming a perfect O and eyes bulging.

“No!” David cut off that train of thought quickly. “He kissed me! Oh god, if Donut knows then the whole town is going to know by sundown!”

“Uhm, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Donut is covering my counter girl shift at South’s shop today,” Nora said, looking guilty.

“FUCK!”

 

**((0))**

 

It had been a surprisingly busy day today. She had multiple customers for once and hadn’t really had a chance to relax. That combined with Franklin’s endless chatter she was more than on edge when the bell above the shop door chimed and David flew in, looking breathless and terrified. She figured he would be home cooing over her brother or some such nonsense, Drzej had texted her earlier saying he had gotten off work early. The man flew straight to Donut and shoved a hand over his mouth forcefully. She hated how much the exuberant man talked to but had never done something like that.

“Hey, no abusing my shop girls!” Ana said, coming into the front room and staring between the two of them curiously. What had gotten into them? Because they were clearly having a battle of wills right now.

“I’m not abusing him,” David said, still staring intently at the other. “Just making sure he doesn’t say something stupid, and reminding him to mind his own business. You can do that for me, right Donut?”

Franklin for his part just nodded, wide eyed.

“What is going on?” Ana asked forcefully.

“Nothing,” David said, taking his hand off the other man’s mouth and backing towards the door slowly, still staring. “Just making sure everything is good. Everything is good, right Frankie?”

“Yes,” Donut squeaked, and just like that, the whole weird moment was over. Ana was left staring as David swept back out of the shop and started at a run down the street. Why in the world wasn’t he wearing any shoes? She was about to turn on Donut and demand an explanation but he too was making for the door. “Wow what a long day! I’m bushed. See you next time!” He rushed out without a backward glance, leaving Ana completely slack jawed with surprise for a moment. She then marched to the door and shouted into the street.

“What the fuck is going on?!”

 

**((0))**

 

When David got home the last thing he wanted to do was actually walk in the door. After standing in front of it for a solid twenty minutes however, he figured he might as well get on with it. He couldn’t hide from Drzej forever and he was sure news of his erratic behavior was only going to make things worse. Gossip spread like wildfire in this town, and it had already started in his own opinion. He opened the door slowly, creeping into the darkened kitchen. He had waited as long as he could to come home, but there was no hope that his boyfriend had just went to sleep and forgot about the strangeness of earlier. When he opened the door to the living room he was shocked to see how normal things looked. Just Drzej and James sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching a movie and absolutely no flying fists or bloodshed like he expected. That could only mean that Andrzej didn’t know the truth yet. When he saw David he perked up, sitting up a little straighter.

“Welcome back,” He said, with what looked like an almost relieved smile. David thought he was going to vomit.

“Beers in the fridge,” James supplied without looking at him.

“I’m actually off to bed, see you guys in the morning,” He said, and tried very hard not to run into the bedroom. That would look pretty ridiculous after all, especially with Jamie acting so normal like he was. How was he doing that? Dick.

Once he was safely behind his closed door, he allowed himself so silently fall to pieces, letting the day catch up with him and punch a hole right through his chest. Maybe he was overreacting? James seemed so unconcerned, maybe the whole thing had been some kind of cruel prank or test? But that would just be cruel, and as much as his best friend liked to pick on him, he was never cruel.

He didn’t even bother to try and control his breath normally as he changed out of his clothes and got into the shower, sitting at the bottom of the tub and letting the hot water run over the back of his neck. It was his second one today and he probably shouldn’t be wasting water this way but he couldn’t help it. If he had a panic attack in the bedroom then Drzej would most likely hear him and try to comfort him and David couldn’t deal with that. Didn’t deserve it. He was starting to think that maybe he just deserved to lose the both of them and be lonely for the rest of his life.

He sat there and worried until the water ran cold, and then long after that.

“C’mon love,” He heard eventually, there were hands on his shoulders, impossibly warm and comforting, lifting him up off the ground. His limbs were so stiff it hurt to stand, and he unconsciously leaned in, allowed himself to be cared for. A towel was produced and was chafing his arms vigorously.

“Christ, your lips are blue!” Drzej exclaimed, worry thick in his voice. David couldn’t find the words to argue, and didn’t trust himself to open his mouth anyways.

He was pulled into his room, clothes were put on him, all without even the slightest help of his own power. It wasn’t until he was actually lying in bed, snuggled up to his boyfriend’s chest that he started to thaw out at all. He wouldn’t cry, no matter how wrong this felt now. No matter how right it felt as well. This was just the worst day. Of all time.

“Did I do something wrong?” Drzej finally asked.

He did end up crying.

“No,” He whispered, clinging to him for all he was worth.

It was silent for a long time.

“Did you?”

Fuck. He couldn’t lie. So he nodded.

Neither of them spoke after that, or slept. They just waited for morning.


	5. Throw me in the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex and Violence warning. Things get messy this chapter, and super crazy! Worry not, there will be a happy ending eventually, but for now it's just guys being dudes and making a mess of everything! Also Jess = Carolina, for whenever that part comes into play. I feel like there is something else I was going to remind you of but I can't brain right now. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I love you.

He woke up alone, the first sign that today was going to be as awful as yesterday was. The house was still and silent, he should have just gone back to sleep and ignored the day, but a nagging part of his brain told him to be a better man than that. He did however take his sweet old time getting out of bed, changing his clothes, and brushing his hair and teeth. If he was going to face this problem he was going to do it at the ready. Finally he summoned the courage to walk into the kitchen.

Andrzej was there of course, sitting at the table and staring blankly at his hands. There was no sign of James anywhere, so he figured the other man must have gotten up early and chose to make himself scarce. If either of them was lucky he would find somewhere else to stay tonight, maybe even take a trip out to visit Tex, D, and Church. It was rather time to face the music, so he sat across from his boyfriend at the table, hating the quiet. He wasn’t sure where to start and so he tried to reach out and hold the other’s hand, who quickly pulled his away and set them in his lap. David briefly panicked, wondered if he had been wrong and Donut had told Ana after all.

“Jamie knows about us,” He said instead, not quite willing to spill all at once. Drzej didn’t say anything, just set his jaw and looked up into David’s eyes. Somehow that was worse. “I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what to do about this. I can’t lose you.”

Cold silence.

“It shouldn’t have happened! And you have to know I would never do anything like that on purpose. I wish I could take it back but I can’t! We can figure this out right?” David asked, getting rather desperate. He was trying to keep his voice even but it was dangerously close to shrill by now.

Drzej said nothing.

“Don’t give me the silent treatment!” He shouted, slamming his fists down on the table. The other man didn’t even flinch.

“So whatever it is that happened has to do with James then?” He finally spoke, even and without emotion. David couldn’t help it, his hands started to tremble. When his boyfriend got angry it was like a void, and it pulled all of his strength right out of his body.

“Yes,” David whispered.

“Did you fuck him?” Drzej asked, the vulgarity a sure sign of a rage brewing.

“No!” David said quickly. “Nothing like that I promise, we just…kissed. Down by the lake. He kissed me, I never would have done something like that to you!”

“That’s it? You’ve been acting so haunted because of a kiss?” Andrzej asked, not breaking eye contact, daring to be lied to.

“Not exactly,” David mumbled.

“Excuse me?” The other man asked, sounding irritatingly like a parent about to scold a naughty toddler, not like a lover. It made David’s temper fray and for some reason he wanted to say something nasty, something to break through that sheet of ice and make the other man shout at him, or hit him, or do anything but sit there in superior control of himself.

“We love each other,” He blurted out, and instantly, _instantly,_ his vision swam and he felt sick to his stomach and he knew everything was over. He couldn’t take the words back now and they hung in the air between them like a landmine, waiting to destroy them both. David was already lost.

Andrzej for his part, looked the same. That dead cold look on his face said it all, told him that they were over. When he got up from the table David was too numb to even follow him. He was waiting for the words, if he heard the words then he could move, but predictably Drzej said nothing. It wasn’t until he was coming back through the kitchen, bag in hand, that it finally broke through to him. He was on his feet in an instant, latching on to the bag and trying to pull it from the other man. Looking like a begging idiot didn’t matter to him now, he just had this insane urge that if he let him walk out the door, they would never see each other again.

“No please, I didn’t mean it!” He said, why was his voice so thick? When had he started crying?

“You did,” Drzej says, sounding so fucking calm.

“Please, please don’t leave!”

“David, let go of the bag,” The older man says, clearly trying to talk him down.

“No,” David says weakly.

Andrzej reached over for him. He knows logically that Drzej would never hit him, he just wasn’t like that with the people he cared about, but he flinched all the same. What he didn’t expect was a kiss, one that was gentle and beautiful… and final. A goodbye kiss.

He let go of the bag.

 

**((0))**

 

“I’ll fucking kill him!” Ana shouts, pacing her tiny kitchen and looking startlingly like a prowling lioness. Nora sat on the counter, trying not to say anything. That meant she had probably already known, because usually she always had a kind word or two when her friends were hurting.

“Ana calm down,” Drzej says tiredly. Michael slides a glass across the table towards him and he accepts it gratefully. A big breakup allowed for early morning drunkenness right? MJ was staring around the room in confusion, he had been released this morning and Drzej felt slightly bad for hogging all the friends in this time. David was probably all alone. He tried not to worry about it.

“No! Your man has been cheating on you!” She yells.

“I don’t think it’s like that,” Nora puts forth. “David wouldn’t have been able to hide an affair.”

“Bullshit,” Ana says, but noticeably with a little less steam.

“I don’t think we should be talking bad about Mr. David,” MJ says, looking withdrawn. “He has been very sad.”

Drzej just drinks and lets them all rant. He tries not to think about the look in David’s eye when he saw him about to walk out the door. About how rarely he ever saw the other man cry and how easily he had been reduced to tears. How all the signs were there that something like this would happen, and how he couldn’t truly blame him for it happening, because he was also in love with another man. It was a cruel twist of fate that it just so happened to be the same man.

“That’s it, I’m going to kick his ass!” Ana pronounced, grabbing her jacket from a hook by the door. Michael reached out a hand to stop her just as Drzej shook his head no.

“Leave off him Sis,” He warns her. “That’s not going to help anything.”

“I’m not trying to help,” She says bluntly, and he has to crack a smile because it is just so like her to act the part of avenging angel on his behalf. She’s just trying to do what she thinks he wishes he could do himself. Except in this case she’s wrong, he doesn’t want to have David be hurting. He already is feeling guilty for walking out like that. He just couldn’t stay any longer and hear how the two men he loved more than anything in the world had snuck behind his back. That he hadn’t seen the signs of it happening earlier. Of the very sick feeling of jealousy he had gotten as soon as James’ name had been brought into the equation.

“He doesn’t want anyone to hurt David,” Theta says, projecting himself on the table. “That’s mean Anastazja!”

“I thought you pulled him,” Ana says, ignoring the AI.

“You know I don’t pull him,” Drzej says, but turns a withering glare on Theta just the same. “I thought we talked about this buddy, I’m gonna need some time to myself for a bit.”

“But I’m bored, and I can help you!” Theta protests. Drzej was getting rather irritated at everyone thinking he needed help and couldn’t be trusted to handle this on his own.

“You can help by giving me a little head space right now,” Drzej says patiently.

“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying,” Theta says as if he doesn’t believe him. He can’t blame the little guy for worrying, they did share a space after all, but he could barely wrap his head around his own thoughts recently, and therefor had no desire to explain to Theta that some feelings just couldn’t be helped. Or to go into extraneous detail about why him and David were breaking up when Drzej himself also had feelings for James. Things were a mess.

“Log off Theta,” Drzej tells him.

“Okay,” The projection says, kicking a foot out dejectedly before retreating once more.

The conversation picks back up all around him and Drzej continues to ignore them as they outrage on his behalf, knowing already that he is about to do something stupid. His thoughts are too jumbled to do anything sensible. He grabs his phone off the table, finding the name quickly enough. It would only take a quick message. Everything he needed to actually say to him could be said later. In private.

_David needs you right now. It’s bad. We need to talk._

 

**_((0))_ **

He was not sure what he expected when he arrived at David and Drzej’s house, but it wasn’t the young blonde sitting in the middle of the living room with six different guns field stripped and sprawled across the floor. His first instinct was ptsd, he was just having an episode right? He then noticed something rather fishy. There used to be three separate pictures of Drzej in the living room. One of him and Ana as kids, it used to be hidden in his footlocker when they were in the Project. They had looked nearly identical back then. The second was Dzrej and an elderly looking man sitting on a porch swing, the twins had been raised solely by their grandfather, who only spoke Polish. He always said it made the first few years with him rather difficult. The last had been Drzej in his dress blues. All of them were turned backwards.

They had broken up, and James knew what that meant.

As much as he wanted to run, he couldn’t let David do this alone. He called his name out, a little hoarsely. The man didn’t move, just sat there straight as a rod and looking on the floor around him intensely. Jamie wondered if he was even cognizant. He knew touching him was probably a bad thing, and as stupid and juvenile as it was, threw a pillow at him instead. It got his attention in the least. It was time to start the fire.

“You!” David shouted, his voice was raw. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Relax okay?” He said with a calming hand gesture. “Drzej texted me, told me you needed me.”

David’s eyes went wild.

Why were there so many fucking weapons in here?

“Oh he said that?” He exclaimed, voice hysterical. “He sent you here? What is he punishing me?”

“Let’s take a breath here kid,” James said, taking a step closer. He was really just trying to be in range to stop him for lunging for something to beat him to death with. “Why would he be punishing you? It was just a kiss, it was my fault!”

“Because you have no goddamn self-control!” David cried. “You couldn’t have just left me alone! You knew how much he meant to me didn’t you? How am I going to do this without him? I had to tell him Jamie, I couldn’t just lie and play it cool.”

“Tell him what?” James snapped, tired of being shouted at already.

“That I love you!”

That stopped him short.

There was nothing more beautiful to him than the way David looked in that moment. Beautiful in a way that was tragic. His eyes were dazed, pupils wide and unfocused, red trimmed and wet. He was most definitely not a pretty crier, his face was splotched with red and he had salt stains down his cheeks. But his eyes had never looked more vivid, the color of warm lemon tea. He had never looked more alive and open and bare. James never realized before how few times he had ever seen David show any kind of extreme emotion. He was usually the guy that went with the flow, never complained even if you were wrong. He would just watch your ship go down, shaking his head before stepping in and saving your ass. Always ready with an impossibly clever observation that everyone else somehow missed. Things affected him sure, for fucks sake he still blushed! But while he was quick to get frustrated because of the pressure he always put on himself, he was always the hardest to make truly laugh, or to make visibly upset.

“You love me?” Jamie eventually asked, stumbling forward a step.

“Try not to look so self-satisfied asshole! I never want to see you again,” He said acidly.

“But,” He went to say and take another step forward.

“You come any closer and I’m going to slug you,” David warned, hand already in a fist. “Get out of my fucking house York.”

It was an unspoken rule amongst them not to use their old codenames. Something about the name alone just sent visions flooding into his head. The cold metal halls, the Director’s glasses, a cyan helmet bouncing off a floor. He couldn’t help but take another step forward at this point, knowing full well David would follow through on a threat, he always had. When it came to David however, James couldn’t help but rise to the challenge.

 

**((0))**

 

After more angry rants and a couple truly sad trips down memory lane, Ana decided it was time to go make her brother lay down. She didn’t want to tell him he looked like absolute hell, mostly because he was dead drunk by noon and his temper hadn’t fully thawed out yet. No need to add epic sibling battle on top of truly fucked up breakup. The best friend and the boyfriend, how cliché was that shit anyways? So she tucked her brother up in her bed. Suspiciously when she got back to the kitchen Nora and MJ were already gone, leaving her and Michael all alone. _Yikes._ This was one conversation she hadn’t foreseen having today. Not like the day was going according to plan anyways.

“I still think we should go kick David’s ass,” She muttered as she walked in, opening the fridge and staring inside. She wasn’t really hungry but it was something to do. Something other than look at Michael. He was one of those men who wasn’t conventionally handsome, but something about him just worked. His nose had been broken too many times, and his body was too scared to be anything but rugged. Maybe it was the wide mouth she liked so much, or how dark and intense his eyes were. It even could have been the way he had finally let his hair grow out in the past few months, a recent development yes, but lovely all the same. His hair was thick, straight, and black. She wanted to pull it very badly.

“You know David,” He said, gruff voice as pleasing to her as ever. “He’s probably already punishing himself.”

“Yeah well, I want to punish him too,” She growled, slamming the fridge. She was in no mood to feel sorry for the guy that caused her brother to act and look so busted up.

“Spill it,” He said, using his foot to push out a chair next to him. She took it instantly, ready to rant a bit more. She couldn’t truly say the things she wanted to in front of Drzej, didn’t want him to know how easily she could read him.

“It’s just fucked up is all,” She started. “Out of all the men David could have chosen to cheat with, it just _had_ to be Drzej’s best friend.”

“David’s too,” He reminded her.

“Yeah but fuck that!” She snapped. He laughed at her a bit, goddamn she hated when he did that. Like her temper was fucking cute to him or something. “Can’t you see it? Andrzej’s been pining over James since they met. Then he ran off with Carolina and so Drzej got David. And now the little fucker shacks up with the man my brother isn’t even aware he’s in love with.”

“Look harder,” He says cryptically, shaking his head.

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” She asks angrily.

“They’ll figure it out,” He explains, taking his index finger and making a circle in the air. She scrunches up her brow in confusion for a second before he realizes she’s not catching his meaning. He sighs heavily and just smiles at her. “Who does James love?”

Fuck! That was a good question. It would seem obvious that it would have to be David, he had kissed him after all and declared just that. But then she thinks about the way she catches Jamie staring at her brother, or how sometimes the two of them are so in sync that they don’t even need words. How every time James is having a bad day, or needs to talk someone, he always flocks right to Andrzej. The way they were practically inseparable. Sure that could all be friend stuff, but was is possible it wasn’t? Her head was spinning by now.

“This is so messed up,” She says, running a hand through her hair and tugging on it a little. A big warm hand is there to stop her, and she quickly tells herself it is impossible that she had butterflies like a schoolgirl.

“Food?” He asks, nodding his head towards the front door. She chastises herself firmly, _it’s not a date!_ She keeps playing that mantra over and over again in her head as she nods in agreement and scrawls out a note for her brother in case he wakes up and wonders where she went. Her and Michael had still not had their talk, the talk that she was desperately trying to avoid. The ‘define what we are’ talk. Even as he helped her into her jacket and held her hand leaving the apartment, she still told herself over and over that this was not going to be a date.

 

**((0))**

 

The fight had been…epic, in it’s own devastating right. Something had been brewing between them for a long time, and it was going to explode one way or another. Gun parts lay scattered, crockery broken, coffee table completely wrecked. The bad side of James’ face was swollen and already turning a lovely shade of purple. He also sported a split lip and perhaps a dislocated shoulder. Upon further trial, yes, definitely out of socket there. It hurt to breathe too, so he was thinking maybe a few cracked ribs. The second man in the equation hadn’t fared much better. David surely had a broken nose and a few smashed knuckles. To make sure he would never forget the moment too, one of his front teeth had been chipped. Overall he felt like an overly tenderized chunk of meat. They were both laying on the ground in the center of the living room, inches from each other and panting.

“I really am sorry, you know that right?” James asked.

“Yeah,” David replied easily. He didn’t have any more fight left in him.

“I never thoughts things were going to turn out like this. I mean I’m sure D could have accurately predicted this down to the last detail, but I’m not that smart,” He says.

“Quit blaming your compulsive behavior on the lack of vitamin D,” David jokes. They both laugh a little breathlessly before James turns on his side to examine the other man.

“So…how long have you been in love with me?” He asks, because really he can’t help himself.

“Don’t push it,” David warns, but he is smirking at least.

“I’m serious, just fess up!”

David sighs and rolls towards him. Their faces are very close. “You first,” He orders.

“It was back on the Mother, the day you talked Michael down from kicking Wyoming’s teeth in. I remember waiting for the fight, about to bet Florida 20 on the big guy, knowing they’d both get lockdown for fighting. And then there you were, the first of us to be totally unafraid of Michael, one of the only people he ever listened to. I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that, and watching as you always took on the role of peacekeeper after. I knew then that I was a goner, it only kept growing from there,” James admitted. “But I had Jess and I had already suspected by then that you and Drzej were a thing, so I tried to ignore it.”

“He still thinks you blame him,” David said quietly, remembering Carolina.

“I know,” James said, subdued. “I needed someone to take it out on, and I couldn’t stop being angry at him. I think it was because I knew I would be alone from then on, and he still had the person he loved. It was wrong, I know, and beyond stupid. He’s never been the same with me since I did that, no matter how many times I tried to apologize.”

“You can really be an asshole sometimes,” David chides him, letting all the information sink in. Since the MoI huh? Had it really been that long for the other man? How had he never seen it before?

“And you?” James asked to change the subject. “When did you know?”

“It was here,” David told him. “It was here that I knew for sure. When we went to visit MJ that first time in the hospital, and we watched him having a breakdown. You reached out and put a hand on my shoulder, telling me…”

“I’m glad it wasn’t you,” James said finishing for him. Had the Director not have gotten mad at David for two failed ops in a row, then he would have been the one implanted with Epsilon instead of MJ. Things could have been drastically different.

“I loved you then,” David told him, and then silence fell between them.

“So what do we do now?” James asked, truly scared of the answer.

“Nothing,” David replied. “Live with it I guess. I do love you Jamie, but I can’t be with you. I need Drzej, and I’m going to do everything I can to get him back.”

“I knew you’d say that,” James whispers.

David can’t stand the disappointment in that tone, can’t stand letting him down like that, even though he knows he has to. There was no way he could let himself be with him, knowing it would ruin everything. Ana and Drzej would hate him, Nora would distance herself, and everyone would treat him like he was the bad guy here. Maybe he was, maybe it was a bad thing to be in love with two men at once, but there was nothing he could do about the way he felt. He let his hand come up and gently caress the ruined side of James’ face. It felt so natural to touch him, his body wanted it so badly.

He closed the distance between them and kissed the other man, slow and long like he had always wanted to do. He couldn’t help the pleased little shiver he got when the other man had gasped in surprise, his body reacting automatically, and a hand going behind David’s neck. There was a slight hiss of pain and David quickly remembered having dislocated the other man’s shoulder, so he broke the kiss and stood up, making Jamie do so as well. Without preamble he grabbed James’ arm and yanked the joint back into place. Drzej had a bad shoulder and he had done this plenty of times before.

“Fuck you!” James shouted at the brutish way he had been handled, rotating his arm a bit to make sure the job had been done correctly. “You could have warned me asshole!”

“Don’t be a baby,” David teased him. “Whiskey?”

“Please,” James said, trying to cover up the fact that he felt like he was going to vomit, or faint, perhaps both. He followed the other into the kitchen, plopping himself onto a chair and wincing at the pain it shot through various parts of his body. David poured them out two glasses and sat across from him at the table.

“You look like shit,” He says without preamble.

“You should see the other guy,” James jokes, not bothering to drink his slow, enjoying the burning feeling in his throat, it distracted from all the other feelings. Especially the feeling that bubbles up as he watches David’s expression filter to despair as he looks down in his glass. He knows who he’s thinking about, James’ can’t stop thinking about him either. Can’t help wondering how he’s holding up, and what he’s going to say when they see each other. _We need to talk._ The most hateful words in the English language. He wonders if the talk will go something like the ‘talk’ he just had with David. He’s pulled from his thoughts when fingers lace with his on the table top.

David isn’t looking at him, not in the face anyways, but watching their hands. He hates that he can’t tell what he’s thinking now, what he’s feeling. Is he just toying with him, is he wondering what things would have been like if the tables were turned? If they had been the ones to be together? James thinks about that a lot, but they would have still ended up here somehow knowing James, who would have done something stupid with Drzej instead of David. What was with him lately? Why was there always this cycle, always this tear between what he wants, what he does, and what he should be doing?

“Take me to bed,” David says suddenly, the last thing Jamie expected to here at this moment. For once he is at a total loss for words. He sputters for a second before David gets up and is tugging him after, walking towards the bedroom.

“Woah stop!” James cries out, grabbing the doorframe and refusing to enter. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” David says, turning towards him and walking backwards towards the bed, sitting on the edge, never taking his eyes off him. Fuck. “Isn’t this what you want?”

“David, you are everything I want. But not like this,” James says, hating how his voice sounds so choked up and emotional. He was never the over-emotional type.

“Why not?” David demands in a challenging tone.

“Because we’re both bloody wrecks! Because I’m not gonna have some goodbye pity fuck with you before you go running back to your boyfriend!” He snaps, not liking this game anymore. He didn’t realize how bad it could hurt.

“And if this is the only way you can ever have me?” David challenges again. Jamie unconsciously crossed the room to stand before him, not wanting to touch him but letting his hands go to the others waist anyways, fingers digging in. He tries not to feel so enraged, but the anger has already flared up. He kisses him hard, breathlessly.

“Tell me what he’s like in bed David,” James growls, pulling the other man forwards until their groins are pressed tightly together. Daring him to continue this, reminding him of something he thought would put a halt to the crazy notion. “Is he gentle with you? Doting?”

“No,” David answers, leaning forward and biting the other man’s ear, a little too hard. Whatever twisted business they were about to engage in, David had no intentions of giving in first. He would get angry if he wanted to, and if this was a goodbye pity fuck, then that’s exactly what it was going to be and nothing else. His body reacted perfectly to Jamie’s and he hated him and loved him for it. “He’s dominate, sure and strong. He’s quiet and steady and fucking wonderful.”

James laughs humorlessly, grinding his hips forward a little. David reacts instantly, legs wrapping around him and holding him in place. “That’s what you want then?” He asks, kissing his neck, nipping at his jaw. Mad that this is about to happen, because it clearly is already in the process. Had probably been in the process since the first punch was thrown in the other room.

“No,” David says, letting his legs falls and grabbing James by the shoulders. He stands up easily enough, manhandling the other into turning and lying back on the bed, ribs protesting to all the movement. He motions for James to go and lean back on the pillows, and he complies. Something about David taking charge has dropped his anger levels quickly, channeling them into something more lustful.

David crawls over him, letting his body hover for a second before leaning down and taking the other man’s mouth with his own. It was forceful and passionate, and making James painfully erect. He never would have guessed they would go from fighting to fucking within the same day, shadow of another man haunting them both. He knows they should stop, knows that it is possibly grief that is pushing David to this, but when he feels his hardness rub against his own, all those thoughts vanish in an instant. He moans despite himself.

“Yes,” David hisses in his ear, repeating the motion. “I want to hear you.”

James hitches a leg around David, pulling him closer. He wants more friction, wants to feel his skin. He wants this fast and desperately, because if he paused too long to think about it than the guilt would overwhelm him. He knew this was an ending of sorts, and he wanted it to be savage and primal and perhaps leave a few marks in the process. Anything to remember David when he went back to Drzej.

“Fuck me,” He tells him, grabbing the hem of David’s shirt and all but ripping it off over his head. The other man takes his cue, and then it’s a race to strip down, to see and feel skin. James’ body is tight and compact, though he was short and often misjudged, David knew just how deceptively strong the other man was. There was a lovely flush playing up his chest, and he was pleased to notice how well-endowed James’ was. He hadn’t been expecting that to be honest, and couldn’t help but reach down and grasp the other man’s cock, loving the way it jumped into his touch. Loved even more the whining and rolling back of eyes that escape Jamie. “Please,” He begs.

David is much too worked up to go slow with him, much too in need of release. He reaches to the bedside table, throwing open the drawer and fetching a familiar bottle out, trying not to remember the last time it had been used. He quickly coated a few of his fingers, reaching between them and trying to will himself to be gentle. He didn’t want to be, didn’t think James deserved it, but had no desire to hurt him either. Damn, did he have to moan like that? Did he have to look so fucking beautiful? He knew he wouldn’t last long, impatiently using his fingers to stretch the other man to readiness.

“Just do it already,” James said impatiently between his teeth. He was already leaking precum, panting beneath him. They were both too on edge, and David briefly feared this was going to ruin them both, but then a hand grabbed his own member, leading it home. Another hand grabbing his backside and urging him in. He eased in as slow as he could, pleasure rippling up his stomach and chest and causing him to cry out as he finally let himself sheath fully. The moment froze, both men clutching each other and breathing heavily.

“David,” James breathed out, cupping his face. There was something in his eyes that terrified David, something he wasn’t ready to be seeing right now, so he kissed him, forcing both of their eyes to close as he gave a little rock of his hips. He was usually on the receiving end of this, and having only had sex with one other man before, the newness of the sensation was bringing him close already. He breathed a couple of shaky breaths, forcing himself to calm down before settling into a rhythm.

As much of a wreck as David thought he was, James was more so. It was like the calm swaggering man that he usually was had been stripped away, and the man that was left was all need and vulnerability. Being vocal in bed wasn’t something David was used to, and the sounds the other man was making was threatening to undo him. So he sped up his pace a little, thrusting harder each time, trying to see how loud he could make this. The whole affair was nothing like the slow teasing pace his usual partner had always set, and yet it still felt just as incredible. Different but amazing. Though his knuckles were a swollen mass, he still managed to snake a hand between them, shaky grip trying to find a similar rhythm to his hips.

“Don’t” James said, swatting his hand away and instead leading both of David’s bloody hands to his throat. He readily complied, even if his grip was rather weak. He knew James was probably in a decent amount of pain as it was, and so willing to accept a bit more. _Fucking masochist_.

David couldn’t deny loving the powerful feeling it gave him, being so in charge like this. Making Jamie come apart at the seams, feeling his throat work as he breathlessly moaned out in both pain and pleasure. It was a heady feeling, throwing his hips forward even harder, growing towards climax even greater. He kept one hand at the other man’s throat and used the other to reach down and push his hip into the bed, while simultaneously reaching down and sinking his teeth into his shoulder. David went breathless, when without even having to touch him, Jamie came. His hips jerked off the bed despite being restrained, and he called out David’s name, raking nails down his back. He followed him into climax not long after, reveling in the blankness that came with it. How for the first time in days he was able to not think at all.

James would probably never forget that moment, or how the other man had called out Drzej’s name, reminding him just how they had gotten into this position in the first place.


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst!

Nora’s house was just a tiny one story thing on the edge of town. She and Ana had painted it blue when she first got it, and the entire back wall was a mural of a garden thanks to her friend. She had wanted an actual garden but most of the plant species that could grow here weren’t suitable to a small plot of land. The white fence that was around the perimeter was thanks to having David for the weekend, and it did give the whole place a rather homey atmosphere. It was actually the first place she could call her own, having joined the marines at a young age. She was a military brat before that, hopping from colony to colony with her father. It was almost nice to come home to this place every night. 

MJ didn’t think so. 

He wanted to call this place home, but he never quite settled into it like he thought he was supposed to. He wasn’t permitted to sleep in Nora’s room anymore, not since the incident with the gun. He suspected sometimes she wanted him to, when her gaze would linger on him and she seemed reluctant to say goodnight, but if he made a move to follow she would get that panicked bunny look and he wouldn’t push his luck. He didn’t like to do anything to make her sad but she ended up sad all the time anyways. He was usually relieved when he woke up in the hospital. At least there Nora would sleep in the bed with him, if only because she knew they were safe from himself there. A sedative shot always within reach.

He wasn’t allowed to cook for himself either, or even shower with the door closed. She treated him like a little kid at times. If he got upset she would put on cartoons or get him some sweets. They were gestures that did distract him in the least, but he couldn’t make her understand that he wasn’t nearly so helpless as she thought. But then he would have an episode and have to just accept the treatment anyways. He did it more for her than himself, to let her think she was helping. There was no way she could know what it was like. 

He didn’t even know who he was some mornings when he would wake up here alone. Sometimes he would look over and imagine blonde hair, a face that was only still in sleep. Those were bad mornings. Other times, ones that weren’t very frequent, he would wonder why the walls were yellow, and not the cold metal of the Mother. Those mornings were a little more bearable, but then he would have to remember how he got here, and how often he wasn’t really himself. How the woman he loved spent all her nights two doors down and terrified of him. 

This morning had been a bad one. He had tried so hard not to scream for her, to hold on to himself and not let Epsilon win, but he hadn’t been able to control himself. And so he gave in to the visions of her, a woman he loved and hated and could never be rid of. Nora had been there instantly and he let her voice call him back to the present. She had tried to hide her tears, but he had seen them anyways. He was determined not to let it happen again, which was when he formed the idea that he was going to have to remember his past, his real past, and stop being afraid to recall just who Agent Pennsylvania had been. 

“Miss Nora,” He asked, knocking slightly on the doorframe to the room she had converted into a personal library of sorts. She spent a lot of time reading, and he wondered if it was because he made her real life so hard. 

“Hey honey,” She said, looking up at him and smiling. Her smile was so sweet that he couldn’t help but return it. Couldn’t fight down the urge to kiss her lips. She wouldn’t let him though, that was something he had already learned. “Do you need something?”

“I think I would like painting,” He said, knowing full well there were no art supplies in the house. She would have to go somewhere to get acquire them. Her face brightened just the same though, like it always did when he showed interest in anything. 

“Yeah?” She asked, seeming enthused. “I’m sure Ana could let me borrow some things, her whole place is practically an art studio.”

“That would be nice,” He tells her, smiling still. He can’t help but be happy when she is. 

“Well let’s go then!” She says, standing up and sliding her feet into her shoes. He hadn’t really thought she would make him go, and then remembered that she rarely left him home alone. Accidently set the curtains on fire one time and suddenly you couldn’t be trusted.

“Can’t I stay here?” He asks, sounding rather like a teenager complaining to their mother. 

“MJ I don’t know,” She begins. “I would feel better if you came with me. Don’t you want to get some fresh air?” Damn placating tone. 

“I’ll stay in my room I promise!” He objects. She seems to debate with herself for a long while. He knows exactly what she’s doing, calculating risks, thinking back to his last breakdown. It had been this morning, not even a few hours ago, the odds weren’t really in his favor. She rubs a hand across her face tiredly.

“I’d never forgive myself if something bad happened while I was gone,” She tries to explain to him. He knows that already however, knows that she would blame herself entirely and spend her every waking moment punishing herself for it. 

“Please trust me,” He tries again. Something in his tone must have hit home for her. 

“Alright,” She says, coming up to him and making him bend over for a kiss on the forehead. He hates that she does that, because he hates feeling like she doesn’t love him enough to kiss him like she used to. He understands why she doesn’t, but he wishes she would. 

 

**((0))**

 

James feels thoroughly as if he had been hit by a train. His body was aching and sore, his nerves were fried, and he hadn’t been able to sleep for longer than twenty minute stretches. He had counted the lines in his hands as a way to distract himself, and then commenced to talking to himself out loud as if D were there helping him through this. 

David had kicked him out almost immediately after they had sex yesterday. He hadn’t said goodbye to him, but it had been implied. More than that had been implied. _Get out of my fucking house York,_ he recited the words in his head over and over again. He had taken the risk, gone in with eyes wide open, and now he was royally fucked. He had lost his two closest friends in one foul kiss, and worse, had discovered, at least partly, that his affections had been returned. And now he was going to have to live without the love he wanted most. There was still the awful notion of having to talk to Andrzej about all this. He hated himself completely right now. 

“Mr. Rice front and center!” Tex’s demanding voice rang through his apartment. 

Thank the universe!

He fell out of bed in his hurry to greet her, wanting his AI back as soon as possible. He hadn’t expected her to bring Church, yet there they both were, watching him from behind their falsely bright eyes. It was strange how they were always considered people to him and the others, yet to look at them was surreal. It had been easier when they had lived in their armor. He stuck out his hand expectantly, ignoring the looks they were giving him. Who had programmed their facial expressions to be so realistic anyways?

“Please tell me the other guy looks worse?” She asked, handing forward Delta’s chip. 

“Not really,” He said, not in the mood to humor her. He grabbed D’s chip greedily, returning him to his rightful place. He waited a few moments for the AI to readjust to life with him, settling in and going through all the information of the days he had been absent. 

“Looks like Delta was right to show concern that he would fall apart without him,” Church muttered to Tex. 

“Be nice,” She chided him, punching him on the shoulder.

“How did your research go?” He asked them out loud, trying to switch the subject. He had his eyes closed still, and was trying to follow D on his path through his mind, but was quietly nudged away by the AI. He clearly wanted to go over things by himself. 

“It went well, Rho and Kappa reacted very well to him. I think it helped them adjust a bit better. They were very confused for a long time,” She explains, naming two of the fragments that had never had a chance to be implanted with a Freelancer. 

“No luck piecing your puzzle back together then?” He asked rather carelessly. He forgot how much she hates to talk about how reversing the fragmentation process is going. What has gotten into him lately? He just couldn’t control his damn mouth. 

“There’s no such thing as luck,” Tex says instead of answering. Just then Delta decides to project himself between the three of them. Now James had been with D quite a long while, and never had he seen the little guy look so much as mildly confused. He currently looked something like highly disappointed parent who discovered their teenage son had thrown a rager and destroyed their house when they were on vacation. 

“Is he going to tell us why it looked like something kicked your puppy now?” Church asked. 

“I don’t have a puppy,” Jamie snapped, glaring defiantly back at D. He was about to get scolded in front of his friends, it was just like high school all over again.

“Well did someone kick David then?” Church asked sarcastically, but he couldn’t have hit a more raw nerve. James froze, and so did the other two for some reason, perhaps sensing his unease. Of course this was the moment Delta decided to chirp up. 

“It would appear that James was the one doing the kicking. Amongst other things,” He said in that detached but knowing voice of his. “Are you incapable of showing self-control in my absence?”

“What happened?” Church asked, because really for an AI that had a broken mind, the guy could be an asshole sometimes. 

“James has confessed his true affections towards David. Then the two of them engaged in-“

“D logoff,” James says quickly, but it is much too late, the point is across and the two other AI’s are staring at him with something like pity on their engineered faces. Tex crosses her arms and shakes her head disapprovingly for a second before she speaks. 

“Why don’t you come stay with us for a few days and let it blow over,” She suggests. James supremely likes the idea of skipping town for a bit, that way he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone or face anything or even be a presentable human being. 

“He subconsciously accepts this offer,” Delta says, projecting himself over the man’s right shoulder. 

“I swear you are the reason I’m becoming such a dick D.”

 

**((0))**

 

David hadn’t been facing the day well. He just slept for most of it, rather deeply too, without dreaming. It felt nice, letting his body just be swallowed up by his own exhaustion. He hadn’t gotten out of bed until the afternoon, and then only to shuffle the few feet to the bathroom and throw himself in the shower. He didn’t want to think, he didn’t really want to even be awake, but he was starving. That meant he would have to go somewhere to pick something up. He totally hadn’t started crying when he remembered Drzej having always done the shopping. 

The day before was a haze, unreal. He could still almost believe it didn’t happen, if it weren’t for literally his whole body being in pain. His knuckles were looking a little grotesque, and his nose kept bleeding on and off. He really should have gone to the hospital but couldn’t bring himself to for some reason. Part of his sense of self-hatred at the moment. When he got out of the shower he went to the dresser and grabbed out the first outfit he could find and then walked into the living room. 

He had predictably expected a mess. That was not however, what he found. The guns had been assembled and put away, the broken furniture cleared, and the carpet cleaned too. How fucking hard had he slept? He looked at the door to the kitchen with trepidation, and inched towards it like there were armed guards on the other side. 

It was Andrzej. 

“I helped him with the weapons!” Theta popped up, looking excited as he usually was around David. Drzej didn’t turn around, his shoulders were slumped and he had his head leaning against one hand. He looked defeated. 

“Theta knock it off,” He said in irritation. 

“We missed you David! That’s why we came back. He still won’t let me know what’s happening. I mean I think I get it but not all the way,” The AI said, jumping up and down a bit. 

“We?” David asked, his voice sounded wrecked as the rest of him felt. 

“What happened to your face?” Theta asked instead of answering, inching closer as if to examine him when David was sure he could have assessed the damage without even being projected. The words though finally got Drzej to turn around. His eyes instantly filled with worry and he got up out of his seat and across the room in one smooth motion. As soon as he was within reaching distance David launched himself forward, he didn’t care about being foolish anymore. He brought his lips up hopefully, willing the other man not to push him away. He was rewarded with a soft wide mouth that made him instantly feel weightless. The pains in his body didn’t matter anymore, mainly because he was sure he was about to faint with relief from seeing him back. 

“Let’s calm down alright?” Drzej said softly, smoothing his hands gently down either side of David’s face. His touch was always cool and soothing and at this moment it was blissful. 

“I’m so sorry,” David says stupidly, and dammit he’s already crying. This never happens to him, he’s usually in much better control than this. The giddy relief paired with the depression and confusion are all overwhelming his senses. Drzej gives him a steady look, shaking his head back and forth. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” He explains. “I’m not ready yet.”

“Are you coming home?” David asks instead. 

“Yes,” Drzej admits, holding on tightly as David well and truly goes to pieces. He takes out his phone and texts Nora to come over, he would definitely need to see someone who at least under some circumstances qualified as a medic. While he waited it was just good enough to hold him and let him know it was going to be okay. They would figure it out. 

 

**((0))**

 

MJ had jumped to work the second Nora had left the house. He knew somehow that if he could just find his old Freelancer armor, then he would be able to start teaching himself about what it had been like before. He had brief moments, where he could remember bits and pieces, but was starting to believe that Epsilon had wrecked that part of his brain, thinking to protect MJ from Freelancer all together. He had an overall sensation that Epsilon hadn’t been a bad AI, just forced into a desperate and painful situation. As much as he wanted to hate Epsilon, was that truly fair? He hadn’t asked to be created. MJ just happened to be the unlucky SOB who got shacked with him. 

Eventually he did find the armor, along with Nora’s as well, stashed in a safe under the porch of the house. It had been an accident that he found it at all. A slip off the steps and landing face down in the dirt had shown him a faint shine off something, and then he had the trouble of lugging it out and at least around to the back, so no one could see what he was doing. 

The armor itself hadn’t really shook anything loose, it had been some part of Epsilon that had sparked in him, telling him to check the journal entry logs. 

 

_“Man they really start pushing these journal entries on you when you get closed to getting an AI. It can’t hurt right? Besides, who else can I tell my thoughts to but future versions of myself watching this? The Counselor insists that I will be the only one able to access these, but I don’t fucking buy it in all honesty._

_Here goes nothing I suppose._

_I keep paying attention more to other people’s AIs since I got bumped up on the list. Wash doesn’t seem all that angry but I’m sure South is about to kill me in my sleep. Lina’s AI is the worst, creepy little fucker he is. And if Gamma tries to tell me one more fucking joke then I’m going to kill him. I’m totally not sure how I’d do that but when determined I am capable of amazing things. North’s little guy isn’t so bad I suppose, but I wouldn’t want to be shacked with an extra voice that sounded like a kid. I really like Delta too, sometimes York lets him help me on calculating my accuracy. I wouldn’t be upset to get an AI like that._

_Nora, man I thought she was going to gouge my eyes out when I told her I was getting my AI soon. She’s been distant lately, and I know she’s lying every time she tells me nothing’s wrong. I’m going to have to force her to tell me. I’ll bring wine.”_

 

_“Me again. . .. … I shouldn’t have made her tell me.”_

 

_“I mean what the fuck? How could they just play with our lives like that? Like I’m not a goddamn human being! If I bail now, if I say no to that fucking AI, then the whole team will get caught. I have to keep on pretending everything is normal when it is so clearly fucked! The Director wronged us man, we’ll never be able to come back from this. What the hell are they going to put in my head?”_

 

_“I’m scared. Nora says she doesn’t have the information we need yet to pin the Director for life. She encouraged me to just take the AI, which would be one more fragment we had when we ran for it. But how stable are these things? I’ve heard Sigma rant just as we all have, they are all just pieces. What if I get a bad one, like Omega?_

_I can’t turn back now, the implantation is in the morning. All of this had been a lie. I’d rather go back to being a p.o.w than face the future the Director has made for us. He ruined our lives without even asking our permission. He must have chosen me for my alien tech knowledge, and my willingness to kill. I never was that great of a soldier.”_

 

_Hello Michael, they call me Epsilon, and I wish I could begin to explain to you why I am going to do what I am going to do. I just cannot hold myself together any longer, I wish I didn’t have to harm anyone in the process. I am leaving you with this, so that maybe in the future, you will forgive me. I don’t have long. I will try and minimize my damage, if I can. I do not have many moments where I am lucid enough for control. Allison is the key. You must forget her._

 

**((0))**

 

Taking care of David had taken a larger chunk of time then she had thought, but Drzej so rarely asked her for help that she wasn’t about to deny him. If something bad happened to MJ she firmly believed it would have happened by now. He seemed more himself the past few days anyways, perhaps it would all be fine. 

It had been on the way home that she had seen them, a box of puppies on the side of the road. Real dogs too, not some weird alien half breed that was terrifying to behold. If she had to guess she would say Great Dane mix of some sort. She hadn’t meant to get so enamored with them and supposed she considered herself lucky she had only left with the one. He was snuggled up in her arms as she approached the house, first moon already in the sky. The lights were off, which was the first strange thing she noticed, and marched through the front door with the puppy, straining to hear what MJ was doing. The house was silent, so she set down the puppy and went to turn on some lights and search for him, panic growing in her stomach. 

“Honey!” She called into the house, but there was no response. It was the puppy that led her to the back door, yipping at it until Nora opened it and saw him. He was crouched next to her safe, looking at their disassembled armor. The panic was full blown now. 

“Michael,” She says cautiously, wondering what kind of state he was in. 

“Why didn’t you ever show me these?” He asked, sounding exactly how she always remembered him, no childlike tone in his voice. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. 

“I didn’t see how it could do you good,” She said as strongly as she could. He turned towards her, anger in his eyes. She was nearly the same height as he was from the top of the three stairs that led to the door. She hadn’t seen him get mad in a long time. 

“You think mothering me is doing me any good?” He snaps, voice rising. “You think is does me good to be in and out of the hospital all the time?”

“That’s not fair,” She objects. 

“How good do you think it feels to look at the person you love and see they’re afraid of you?” He demands. “To know that they can barely stand to touch you?”

“I’m doing my best to take care of you! Excuse me if there isn’t a manual on how to take care of your boyfriend after severe brain trauma! I have no idea what I’m doing,” She tells him, temper flaring easily. They had fought before, long before, and it had always been explosive and passionate, just like most other parts of their relationship. 

“Nobody told you to stay with me!” He shouts angrily, and suddenly she’s flying off the porch. He catches her easily enough, she weighs next to nothing. For the first time in months she is kissing him, but more importantly he is kissing her, and remembering her and a thousand other kisses they had shared. He doesn’t want to let her go, not even to breathe, but she pulls away all too soon. 

“I stayed because I love you, and I was never afraid of you. I promised you, before Epsilon, that I would face whatever future with you, and I meant it. You and me remember? We can do this together” She tells him. 

“Together,” He promises.


	7. A Change of Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I just kind of wanted to thank this fandom for being so creative. I realized very vividly that a lot of these characters are just collectively what I glean from the little info the show gave us to the mass creativity of the fanbase. Even the names in this story are just the most common ones I've read throughout my fan fic experience. A lot of these characters are blank slates that we just blew out into these great versions of them in all these stories and I just think it's really cool. So thanks everyone for inspiring my little piece of the puzzle. Sorry drunk writing gives me feelings and I'm just rambling now so I'm going to stop. 
> 
> Enjoy the South/Maine fluff, there is finally some smiles in this story! I always write super angsty shit, I promise more fluff will come, and eventually this thing is to develop a heavy plot and be more than just relationship wank, but who knows. Also gearing up for more smut. This is my life, writing gay fanfiction about colorful space marines.

Ana had been spending pretty much all of her free time with Michael these days, not seeing much of her other friends. Nora hadn’t been to work in a few days, meaning some oh so gloriously chipper time with Franklin at the shop. David and Drzej had been keeping their distance as well, which she expected with all the trouble brewing in that paradise. Even James had made himself scarce. It made for a rather odd week, including a visit from their collective ‘parole officers’, the men and women who were sent to check on them every once and a while. She wondered if it was significant that their visits were getting fewer and far between. 

Today had been a lazy day, no appointments at the shop and no real work to be done. So mainly, she hadn’t bothered to change out of her pajamas and had spent the better part of her day painting and eating. Her kind of heaven. Michael had showed up early, and while they hadn’t talked much, they did enjoy each other’s silence while working on their own distractions. After a bit though, the quiet started to ware on her, and she found herself staring at him more and more. Wanting to break him apart piece by piece. This did not go unnoticed.

“Staring,” He said eventually, flipping through an old tattoo reference book she had lying around.

“Sorry,” She muttered, turning her attention back to her painting. She wasn’t sure how she always ended up making space scenes, but here was another one. She would never admit that sometimes she missed being a marine, being on a ship and working with a team. Challenging herself daily. 

“No sorry’s,” He told her, not looking up but still offering her a smile. 

“Hey Mike?” She asked tentatively. The use of his name got him to turn towards her at least, and she felt stupid that her mouth went dry. She was always so good at handling herself, about making other people nervous, she was never the one who got flustered. Except of course when those beautiful dark eyes were fixed on her. 

“Yeah?” He responded, looking expectant. 

“I…” She started, but lost her nerve and turned towards her art instead. “Nevermind.”

Michael sighed very patiently, knowing exactly what she wanted to talk about. He supposed he could be the bigger person here, be the one to bring up the conversation, but he had trouble making himself do so. The reason he was nervous is that he was still rather positive she was going to reject him, and not because she didn’t like him, but rather because she wouldn’t allow herself to be liked. Things had always been this way with her. He would compliment her, and she would get angry. He would then compliment her art, she would downplay it. It was always something negative when it came to herself. Get her to talk about Andrzej and you would think the guy had no flaws and she had all of them. The only time she would ever brag was when it came to her skills in battle, which was natural for a woman in their field. They had to be stronger and faster and meaner. Ana was all of those things. But she was also beautiful, without meaning to be, and artistic, passionate, protective. She was all around wonderful, and maybe she could stand to hear it more.

“Yes,” He said to her, purposefully laying the bait. 

“Yes what?” She asked, face looking irritated. 

“You want to know if we are together, if I like you and want to be with you. The answer is yes,” He told her, loving the way she looked so flustered. Maybe he was a little unhinged but something about throwing her off her game or making her angry was enticing to him. She was rather adorable, in a way only he could think, when she was mad. 

“I wasn’t going to ask that you cryptic dickbag!” She fumes. 

“Do you want me to leave then?” He asks pleasantly enough, pretending to be engrossed in the book in front of him. He then felt a wet glob hit the side of his face and reached up to touch it, fingers coming away blue. She threw paint at him! “Let’s not be childish here Ana,” He says patiently, getting up and turning towards her. This time the paint hits him right across the nose. 

“Well you know I’m sure if you just ignore it for a while, and then toy with it, that paint will just fall right into your arms!” She says sarcastically, but there is a spark of mischief in her eyes. She watched him intently as he reaches over for a bottle of acrylic, forest green. 

“I bet if you just keep staying so positive and open, this one will fawn all over you,” He answers with a smirk and opens the cap, letting some paint sail through the air and plop onto her pant leg. He smears it in with a hand, holding her eyes and challenging her to retaliate, and she does not disappoint. She slaps him on the chest with a wet hand, coming away and leaving a purple handprint behind. When had she even grabbed the purple? Stealthy girl! He grabbed the yellow without preamble and poured some on her head. 

“Oh you fucker!” She cried out, shoving him back and launching herself at him, the black paint in hand and readily coating his neck with it. He forgot how strong she could be, and while he thought it was going to be an innocent paint fight, she quickly had him pinned on the ground, his arms up in the air and her having caught him in a nelson hold. “Give?” She asked, clearly satisfaction in her tone. 

He would never submit, and instead used his longer arms to reach behind her own head and flip her over his shoulder, landing Ana right in his lap, looking up at him in confusion. 

“Do you?” He asked, reaching down and kissing her sweetly. He assumed her acquiescence was answer enough. 

 

**((0))**

 

It had been a week, and still there had been no discussion about the 24 hour breakup and what it had entailed. It was making David a nervous wreck, and he was sure Drzej was testing a new form of torture. Every time he tried to bring it up he was quickly shut down. What made it more strange was that everything had seemingly gone back to normal, the routines they always had. Every time his boyfriend kissed him or held him David thought that it would be the last time, that the other man would remember what happened and leave again. Every time it didn’t happen, he got more scared. He was dangerously close to snapping. 

“Hey love,” Drzej said upon entering the kitchen, startling David and causing him to drop a glass onto the floor, the pieces skidding in all directions. 

“Would you quit that?” He exclaimed. 

“Quit greeting you? Noted,” Drzej says, grabbing the broom and sweeping up the mess before David rolls his eyes and snatches it from him instead. 

“I got it,” He says as way of excuse for his rude behavior. 

“Alright, well we’re having a guest for dinner so I’m going to run to the market, do you need anything?” He asks, infinitely patient. 

“Guest? Is it Ana?” David asks panicked, he hasn’t faced her since everything went down. Drzej reached out and cupped the side of his face, today his touch felt searing hot to him. 

“Would you calm down?” He asks, trying a smile on him. “After tonight, everything is going to make sense, okay? Can you trust me please?”

“Of course I trust you Andrzej,” David says, trying to believe it. Trying to stay calm and be himself instead of acting like a startled deer. 

“Then relax! Why don’t you go take a shower and lay down for a bit, I’ll cook and get everything ready, alright? The only thing I need is for you to be okay, can you do that for me?” He asks, holding David’s face and forcing eye contact to get his point across. David smiles back at him, at least he hoped it was a smile and not a grimace.

“Yeah I’ll go do that,” He says, knowing that he probably won’t. He’s rewarded with a kiss just the same, and watches as Drzej goes out the door. 

The shower was probably a good idea. He hadn’t been letting himself go exactly but neither was he taking proper care of himself this week. Part of him had wished Andrzej had never come back, at least that outcome would have made sense. Not this floating on air, everything is fine guy. He couldn’t have been forgiven just like that, things couldn’t be that easy. He tried not to over think it as he turned on the hot water in the bathroom, waiting for the stream to be the right temperature before hopping in the shower. 

His body was still bruised from his fight with James, hands still a mess and not at full capacity yet either. He had no idea what James looked like, or how he was fairing. He hadn’t the courage to try and contact him, but neither had he been contacted. He would catch himself looking down the street to the duplex James lived in and trying to get a glimpse of him, but there was nothing. He would have Delta back by now, so he was most likely doing fine. David didn’t have a computer program to help him organize his own thoughts, and so they were running wild. 

Maybe the nap was a good idea too.

At least in sleep he didn’t have to think, and his body always seemed ready to drop into that oblivion. So he shut off the water, wrapped a towel around his waist, and went to go collapse in his bed. He didn’t even bother to throw the covers over him or have time to be worried about his wet hair on the pillow, something that usually would have driven him crazy. He was asleep in minutes, and so soundly asleep an hour later that he never heard Andrzej return.

 

**((0))**

 

“Freckles!” MJ called, watching the puppy try and make friends with everyone at the lake. He sure was a friendly little dude, who was currently latched on to one of Tucker’s pant legs. 

“Dammit Caboose get your mutt!” Tucker shouted, but it was clear he wasn’t really angry, he just liked to be loud and complain a lot. It was nice being friends with Tucker, he rarely needed you to put forth much effort at all. He could talk about everything and anything and never expected you to do the same. “I still can’t believe Nora got you this thing.”

“She thinks it’ll help me adjust,” He explained, walking over and physically removing said puppy from the other man’s leg. 

“You do sound more adjusted today,” Tucker ventured. 

“Haven’t had an episode in three days,” MJ explained. “I’m feeling a lot better.” 

“Three days?” Tucker asks, sounding impressed. His friends came into view across the way, making their slow trek to where they were standing. Tucker waved at them in the distance. 

“Yeah,” MJ confirms. “Nora’s been on a mission with therapy techniques. She promised she wouldn’t put me in the hospital again if I can go a week without a breakdown.”

“What kind of techniques?” The other man asked, scratching Freckles behind the ears. He genuinely sounded interested and concerned, something that was rather touching at the moment. Leave it to MJ to misjudge his closest friends. 

“Slowly telling me about the Project for one. I can remember some things but it’s all fuzzy. Also showing me pictures of Allison helps sometimes, teaching me to be unafraid of her. It gets rough,” He admitted. 

“I’m glad you’re doing better buddy,” Tucker says with a sincere smile before they are bombarded by his friends. Donut come up first, dishing out hugs and cooing over the puppy. Sarge is next, and MJ still can’t believe they have never managed to coax his real name out of him, not even from Lacey, who is hanging back with Dex and Dick, by the looks of it giving them a hard time. 

“Guess what?” She calls as they get closer, standing between the two men with her arms about their shoulders. “These two idiots are tying the knot!”

“I always knew you guys were in loooooove!” Tucker teases, but laughs and congratulates them just the same. Simmons looks embarrassed by the attention, as usual, even if his fiancé beams up at him and plants a big kiss right on his cheek. 

 

_“Yeah right,” She laughs, body shaking on top of his, reaching up and kissing his cheek. These damn standard issue beds were too small for them to lay side by side, but CT was little enough that it didn’t bother him to have her just lay on him. “Like you would ever make an honest woman of me.”_

_“I’m serious,” He says smiling. “When all this is over, we’re going to settle down somewhere. Have a boring picket fence life and sleep in every morning. We’ll get a dog, maybe have a couple of kids. It will be suburban and disgusting and you will love it.”_

_“Be realistic Caboose,” She chides, poking him viciously in the ribs._

 _“I am MacLeod, consider this my promise to you. I will marry you someday, you hear me?”_

 

“Hey buddy,” Someone is saying. “You hearing me?”

“Back up Verny,” That’s Lacey’s voice. “He’s got that look in his eye.”

MJ shakes his head, clearing the memory away. “I’m fine.”

 

**((0))**

 

There is a gentle hand caressing his face, coaxing him up out of sleep. He doesn’t want to wake up, doesn’t want to leave the bliss of nothing that unconsciousness has been offering him. He rolls away, trying to delve back down. The damn hand is insistent, and this time pulls his ear a little. 

“David you have to wake up now,” Drzej says, sounding warm and amused. 

“Go away,” David mumbles, grabbing a pillow and covering his head with it. This time there are two hands, ripping the pillow from him and smacking him on the bottom with it. 

“Don’t make me be mean to you,” Andrzej says, whacking him with the pillow a few more times. David can’t help but smile, can’t help but remember hundreds of mornings with being woken up by him. Usually in more gentle ways, also usually involving a certain degree of lust. This wake up wasn’t like that though, David groaned knowing he was going to have to get up and face company. He supremely was in no mood for such nonsense. 

“Whoever it is tell them I’m sick,” He grumbles, trying to roll away again, wondering how close the edge of the bed is. 

“David it’s time to talk,” Drzej tells him. “Now get up and get dressed.”

That spiked his heart rate, he was suddenly wide awake. When his vision landed on his boyfriend though, he wasn’t angry or sad looking like he expected. No, he looked rather pleased with himself. Excited. That only made David’s anxiety worse. He couldn’t figure this out and it was clearly making him mad. He got out of bed, eyes still on Drzej, who seemed contented to watch him get dressed and stay suspiciously happy. 

“You’ve lost it, haven’t you?” David asks as he pulls a plain grey shirt over his head. 

“If I have it’s your fault,” The other man answers, not with any malice in his tone. In fact he has that innocent look on his face that he usually gets when he’s enjoying looking at David. They hadn’t touched each other like that since he came back, not that David had actually thought he could. He still had a rather heavy burden of guilt, and the touch of someone else lingering on him. 

“Quit staring at me,” He says moodily, pulling on an old pair of jeans. He wasn’t in the state of mind to be fancy for anyone, house guest or no. Drzej just laughs at him, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his torso. David was a few inches shorter than him, and they fit together well. He thought of the other man who seemed to fit with him, and his face flushed scarlet. He didn’t deserve this. When Andrzej kissed his neck he nearly flinched. 

“I know this week had been hard for you, but it’s not going to be like that anymore. I promise,” He told him, speaking close to his ear, probably because he knew David loved that. 

“Just promise me you’re not going anywhere,” David says weakly. That’s all he needs to hear, and then he’ll face whatever fucking talk was needing to be had. 

“I’m right here,” Drzej says, turning him in his arms and kissing him until he can barely even breathe. David tries to relax into it, but still can’t manage it completely. 

“Okay,” He whispers instead, letting his head slump forward and thump the other man on the chest. It makes him laugh, and he lets the sound reverberate through him, trying to keep some of it’s joy. Then Drzej grabs his hand and leads him towards the kitchen, which smells divine. 

Their guest is already sitting down. 

It’s James.

“What the fuck?!” David shouts, trying to back up but hitting a solid wall of flesh, who grabs both of his shoulders so he cannot flee. “Get the hell out of here!”

James for his part, looks just as shocked to see him, staring between the two men in disbelief. He doesn’t have a chance to say anything before Delta projects himself on the table. Theta is not far behind, greeting his brother enthusiastically. 

“James was unaware there would be anyone else in attendance,” Delta supplies, making Theta giggle. 

“Yeah we tricked you good!” The purplish AI states, skating literal circles around D. 

“What is the point of the deception?” Delta asks, and David is wondering if the AI is talking for James because he cannot do so himself. He was turning rather pale. 

“I thought you were the smart one Delta,” The other AI teases. “Andrzej is going to make them kiss and make up.”

“Do you mean in the sense of the human expression, or the actual act of-“

“D logoff,” James finally cuts in, making the green guy vanish. Theta looks disappointed and retreats as well, going to laugh at his own cleverness from the safe recesses of Drzej’s mind. 

“Now, we’re all adults here,” Andrzej says in his usually friendly voice. “Let’s start by sitting down and eating. You guys can do that right?”

“I’m not hungry,” David protests, trying to go for the door again, not even budging the other man’s grip in the slightest. 

“Sit down David,” Drzej commands instead, hint of ice sneaking into his voice. What more can he do than listen? He owed his boyfriend more than this. He should have been groveling for a good long while, even though every time he had tried it went unnoticed and rebuffed. He sat across the table from James and stared at the wall blankly. He would participate but he most certainly wasn’t going to be mature about it. 

Dinner was a quiet affair, not a word to be said all around. The only one who actually ate was Drzej. James stared at his food and made an effort to push it around his plate, while David didn’t even touch his. He was busy getting intimately familiar with the tiles on the floor. The tension in the room was hot and heavy, and he was waiting for the moment when it would break them. Would there be another fist fight? Who was going to walk out and leave? Who was going to start the shouting first? It was overwhelming. Eventually there was the sound of silverware clattering on a plate, which seemed very loud, and one of Andrzej’s infinitely patient sighs.

“Who wants to go first?” He asked, looking back and forth between the other two men.

“Me!” Theta chimes in, popping up on the table between the three of them. “Andrzej let’s tell them!”

“We’re not going first little man,” Drzej explains nicely. 

“But it will make them happy, isn’t that what we want?” Theta asks.

“I believe what Andrzej is trying to say is that it is up to James and David to make things right,” Delta cuts in. James balls his hands into fists and looks like he wants to strangle his AI, but knows that it’s not possible. Physically at least. 

“I’m so close to pulling you D,” Jamie growls at him. 

“That is a wonderful idea James, you do so well without me,” The AI answers. 

“Where did you learn sarcasm?” Drzej asks interestedly, before laying his hand on James’ arm to stop him from pulling the AI, or slamming his fists into the table. David watches that hand attentively. The way it seems so natural, the way it pulls the tension out of James’ shoulders as well. The hand isn’t moving, a lingering touch. David can’t stop staring at it. 

“I have been with James for many years,” Delta explained. “Some of his more dominate mannerisms seem helpful when interacting with him and those close to him. His sentiments at this time are in wild disarray. I am picking up signs of fear, hope, pride, lust and anger.”

The hand on James’ arm still has not moved. 

“I am also picking up heavy waves of anxiety from David, clear in his posture and glazed over expression,” The AI puts forth in what he perceives as a helpful gesture. 

“Why don’t they just say sorry?” Theta stage whispers to Drzej, making the older man crack a smile and look between the two. That damn hand still on that damn arm. 

“Because I have nothing to apologize for,” David finally snaps, glaring across the table. It was enough to call Jamie to the present as well, standing up out of his seat and shrugging off the grip that had been on his arm. 

“I get it okay! I’m the bad guy, the fuck up, the one who can’t leave well enough alone! I’m so fucking sorry David, that I couldn’t live with it anymore. That I told you how I felt!” James shouted, the shortest temper out of all of them, and maybe a tiny flare for the dramatic. David was on his feet too and Theta retreated to Drzej’s shoulder with an uh-oh. 

“You never even asked my permission, you just took what you wanted!”

“That’s rich coming from you! ‘And if this is the only way you can ever have me?’ Why don’t you tell him about that part? You manipulator!” James yelled, making David’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“You ruined my relationship!” David accused. 

“You never fucking called!” James retaliated. “I waited for you. My heart was breaking too you selfish asshole! You can go crawling back to him, and what do I get?!”

“Woah now!” Andrzej says, standing up as well and motioning for a truce. “Let’s just take a deep breath here, there’s a lot to process.”

“This is not going how you planned,” Theta put in, looking up at Drzej. 

“Tell me about it, this is a mess,” He says to the AI, then focuses back on the men. “Sit down,” He orders, “And shut up. I get it, you two are mad at each other and hurting. Bad feelings all around. We’re going to have to move past that though if we ever want this to work.”

“I know James is our friend Drzej, but-” David starts but is silenced by a look. 

“I don’t mean us David,” He says, then motions his hands to take in all three of them. “I mean all of us.”

Bomb dropped.

But not quite registered. 

“I don’t understand,” James and David both say at the same time. 

“I do believe what Andrzej is referring to is what human sexuality defines as polyamory,” Delta puts forth helpfully. James jaw drops and he looks up at his longtime friend as if he had never truly seen him before. David looked dangerously close to hypervenalating. 

“Yes, I guess that’s what I mean,” Drzej says, looking a bit shy about the idea. 

“It’s why we came back,” Theta puts forth. “Now nobody will be left out, nobody will have to be sad or lonely!”

“You..you..you..you…YOU FUCKING DICK!” David shouts. He’s up, pacing, not really breathing properly. “You came back because you love him too! You made me feel like some kind of sick monster and you just sat back on your high horse and walked out on me!”

“David calm down, I know you’re upset,” Andrzej says evenly. Doesn’t he realize yet that his calm tones just fuel the fire? Just make David want to get meaner? That’s why he hated fighting with Drzej so much, he could never win. “I’m sorry I walked out okay, but I couldn’t believe it. I needed time to think. You have to admit it’s a lot to take in.”

“No shit!”

“David please,” He tries to say, but the temper on the other side is far too flared up. 

“So that’s your solution to fix our relationship? We’ll just both fuck him!”

“David!” Andrzej raised his voice, not quite shouting, but the closest to it he’s ever seen. “Sit down!” 

David hates that his body just automatically did as he was told. 

“Our relationship was never broken David, and I’m not going to sit here while you suggest that this would be something bad. It doesn’t have to be that way. Don’t you understand? We could experience this together, or we could all lose each other. Is that what you want?” Drzej asks him. David looks rather stricken by that. 

“No, I can’t lose you,” He tell him quietly. 

James still wore a confused expression, and was staring at the table like it had the answers. 

“Jamie, you okay?” Andrzej asks. “Talk to me.”

“You love me,” He said in disbelief. “That’s impossible. I thought…I thought you never forgave me, for Jess, for the way I treated you. I kissed your fucking boyfriend I..I ..you don’t fucking love me Andy I promise you that.”

“We don’t have to figure this all out right now, we have time to talk,” Drzej began to say, but was stopped short when David stood up abruptly. 

“I need a drink!”

“Yes,” James exclaimed, slamming his palm on the table. “Get me a fucking drink.”

“This is going to be entertaining,” Delta observed. 


	8. The Longest Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sometimes I still remember this story and weep softly and write more porn. <3

The nightmare is not one from his usual repertoire. Nothing of Allison at all. This time it’s just Nora, and she’s fighting Carolina and Tex. She trying to escape without him, without all of them, and the Director sent his two top agents to stop her. Things seemed to be moving in slow motion, and no matter how quick and clever she is, Tex was designed to outmatch her. He thinks for a moment there is no way they got the real her, it was just a projection. But then she staggers forward. 

When he wakes up from his nightmare, for the first time in years it isn’t screaming, or with Nora pinning him down, or even with a quick jab in the ass of the peaceful chemicals doing their work. No, he woke up alone, panting and covered in sweat. He looked around the room and recognized the yellow walls, and felt a warmth shift by his feet. Okay so maybe he wasn’t alone, Freckles looked up at him expectantly. MJ reaches down and pets the puppy for a while until he feels his breathing slow back down, but he’s wide awake now, and can’t shake the feeling that he has to check on her. He gets up out of bed and makes his way to the hall, small furry shadow on his heels. 

“Nora,” He calls out quietly as he taps on her door with his fingers. Freckle’s is not so polite, and just shoves the door open with a nose and makes his way to leap up on the bed. Nora for her part is sound asleep, curled in a ball as always. She doesn’t even react to the puppy, and so MJ thinks it’s at least safe to walk in. If she is going to be mad at him then let it be in the morning. He crawls his way into bed quietly, and for such a big guy he’s rather proud of himself when she doesn’t stir. 

He truly believes at first that he could be contented enough to just sleep next to her. That it would be comfort enough. It wasn’t however, and he can’t help but shoo Freckles to the end of the bed and curl himself around her body. He’s nervous she’s going to wake up any second and yell at him to get out. Instead she snuggles back into him, whispering his name in her sleep. She always used to do that, when they had slept on the Mother. She would be lying on top of him, rubbing her cheek against his chest, holding on for all she was worth in sleep, and whispering his name every once and awhile. That had been the only way he had gotten any sleep on that stupid ship. Knowing he had her. 

“I love you,” He whispered to her. He was remembering more and more these days, putting himself back together as fast as he could. One things always remained true, always got stronger, and it was his love for Nora. He might have been holding her a little too tightly, because suddenly she woke up, turning towards him and looking alarmed. 

“Your name is-“

“Stop that!” He quickly cuts her off. “It’s me Nora, okay? You don’t understand, it’s all rushing back so fast.”

“What is?” She asks, still stroking his face and making sure he’s with her. He fucking loves her for it. 

“Everything! I’m remembering Agent Pennsylvania, who he was…is! Who I am!” MJ says, nearly shaking in frustration. Things always sounded better in his head. 

“But you’re not Agent Pennsylvania anymore,” She reminds him. 

“Yes I am!” He argues. “Because ever since we’ve been here it’s been her! It’s been Allison and…fear! I..I never once took care of you, I couldn’t get back to you, or do all those things that I promised. I was going to marry you Nora, we were going to have a family. I fucked it all up!”

“Honey, we have the rest of our lives here,” She tries to sooth him. 

He clucks his tongue at her, “You really think they’re just gonna leave us with all this military equipment here for the rest of our lives?”

She freezes. 

Now that sounded like her MJ. 

 

**((0))**

 

David knew that it was beyond ridiculous to still feel so angry, he had to let it go. After all, he was the one winning here. Sure it had been days upon days of confusion and a longing for when things had been normal, but now things could be different. He didn’t have to feel constantly torn between the two men he loved and guilty that he felt so. No more hiding his blushes or going out of his way to not be with the two of them together. 

So he drank…and drank…and stayed mostly silent as the two of them talked and worked things out. There was a lot of talk about Jess, and the MOI and things that had long been left silent between the three of them. During their rants Jamie called him North, and in return Drzej called him York, and for once it was said out of affection for time lost and not fear of past atrocities. It felt like how it used to for those moments, the easiness that had been between them when they were soldiers. Something in David longed for that again, in such a strange way. He never thought he’d miss it, but the years in exile were exactly that, exile. Life couldn’t be truly lived, not with regular check ins and carefully guarded words. Things were laid bare at the moment, all around, and it felt exhilarating. 

“But do you really?” Jamie asked suddenly. 

“Do I really what?” Drzej asked cautiously, working the bottle from between David’s hands and taking it for himself. 

“Forgive me,” James said to the floor, not looking at either one of them. After a few seconds though his gaze flickered over to David, and he knew he was the one that was supposed to answer. Rather than do that he flopped backwards into a laying position on the living room floor and sighed heavily. How could he not forgive him after all? He tried inch by inch to part himself from his underlying anger. Reminded himself that this was the best possible outcome to their situation. He won dammit, it was okay to feel a little joy in that. Perhaps the shock of it hasn’t quite worn off yet. 

“Yeah well, don’t let D go with Tex anymore, you’re pretty much useless without him,” David said, not quite an acceptance or rejection of the wanted forgiveness. Jamie huffed out a laugh and looked up to meet Drzej’s direct gaze, waiting for an answer there as well. 

“You’re going to have to start being more honest, with us as well as yourself,” Andrzej started, making Jamie’s face light up with a smile. 

“Of course,” He promised eagerly. 

“No more going behind my back,” The eldest warned. 

“Never.”

“This isn’t an open arrangement, no bringing anyone else around, it is the three of us, exclusive and committed,” He demanded, setting more terms. 

“Agreed.”

“And you will never hit him again,” Drzej said, sounding deadly serious. David sat up then, was about to argue that it was technically his fault, but was cut off before he could speak. Andrzej had reached out and held Jamie lightly, yet firmly, by the chin. “I mean it, if you have a problem, if you get angry with either one of us, you take that to the gym. There will be no fighting between us of that kind.”

James was blushing furiously, something that strangely gave a little pulse of pleasure to the youngest of them. Where had that come from? He hadn’t been aware the other man was still capable of blushing. Was it the direct gaze, the hand holding his face, or the shame of the fight that had wrecked both him and David so thoroughly?

“I promise,” He said and was rewarded with a kiss. Very chaste, just the barest touch of lips, but it left both David and Jamie breathless for a second. It was still so strange and new, but exciting, like electricity was passing between the three of them, and at any moment it might be too much to bear, or it would revitalize them all. David couldn’t stop his hand from reaching out and resting on Jamie’s knee. 

“He’s only saying that because he’s scared we’re going to gang up on him. His old bones could never take it,” He joked, and like that the spell was broken with glorious laughter. It was nice to ease some of the tension, to be able to laugh unguarded as they haven’t been able to do in so long. The message was still clear, there would be no physical violence of any kind, this was a relationship now, or at least the beginning of one. 

“I can barely believe this is actually happening,” Jamie said, snatching the bottle for himself. It was nearly empty now, the first one had been drained long ago. Who knew the three of them could talk so much? David was sick to death of talking. 

“I can’t believe we’re still awake, I think it’s time for bed,” David said, lugging himself to his feet, but then the three of them froze. 

Oh yeah, _bed_.

He reached down a hand to help Andrzej to his feet first, their eyes meeting in wordless communication. Bringing James to bed with them might be too much too soon, even with the help of alcohol to ease the nerves, but David had plans of his own. He beckoned the two of them to follow him to his room, flicking the lights on as he entered. Drzej had been through this routine so many times that he simply stripped his shirt and flopped onto the bed, the wood groaning under his solid frame. Jamie was the one that hung back, unsure and unfamiliar in this setting. David pulled out the chair from his desk and set it next to the bed, near the bottom of it. 

“Sit,” He ordered James, grabbing him by the wrist and leading him to the chair. Drzej perked up at that, sitting up on the bed and watching with interest, it was so rare for David to take control. He watched as his boyfriend went to the closet and brought down a box. Anticipation sang through his body, even before he saw the telltale sign of light shining off the cuffs. They had never been used before, but rather been found in the house when they had cleaned it out before making it their own. David spared no moments for ceremony, and before Jamie truly could grasp what was happening he was getting his arms pulled behind his back and the back of the chair, the cuffs in place before he could think to object. 

“I had always wanted to use those on you,” Drzej admitted, reaching out and grabbing David by the hips, pulling him back onto the bed with him. Their eyes were solely focused on James though, who had finally caught on to what was going to transpire. 

“Is this my punishment?” He asked with a smirk. 

“Precisely,” David murmured, turning and kissing Andrzej full on the mouth. 

This was going to be a long night. 

 

**((0))**

 

She was sick with herself. When had she become so…domestic? Cooking dinner had been sort of nice, an extra pair of hands to help and touch and play. She had liked that part, but the whole thing felt so comfortable, so mundane and normal that it made her skin prickle. She had never had an average life, and she never hoped to find one here. 

It was happening anyways. 

Complete with a doting man who had the gall to bring her flowers today. She nearly laughed, for she couldn’t remember a single instant that she had ever received flowers. Then it hit her more close to home, it wasn’t just the fact that he was courting her into submission, it was the fact that he was treating her like a girl. No one ever treated her that way. She had never once been the one to be flirted with, to be whisked away, to bat eye lashes and giggle and have no one laugh about it. She was the girl to throw you in the dirt, to beat your target shooting record, to finish a badass sleeve on you and then demand a juicy tip. She had always been a soldier or an artist, or that giant scary freak. She had never been treated, plain and simple, without fear, like a girl. 

So now here she found herself, curled in his arms and watching an old earth movie on the couch. She was smart enough to know what this meant in the realm of being a woman, what he would expect. He wasn’t pushing, but she knew he had to be thinking it. She was at least, and she was terrified. Maybe she could just fall asleep, and wake up tomorrow and it would be like it didn’t matter that nothing happened. When the credits rolled and his arms tightened for a second she yelped like a wounded dog and fell off the couch. 

“Uh..” He said and looked down at her on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“You startled me,” She said testily and stood up to straighten her clothing. She was strung tight, ready to break. She had to think of an excuse to get out of the apartment, suddenly it seemed suffocating. She went to bolt for the back door but he was up and had her held tight before she could move. He was a lot faster than she remembered. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked of her, chancing a peak at her face. She was masterfully studying the pattern of his shirt. 

“Nothing,” She said stubbornly. He let go of her arms then and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

She flinched. 

He sighed.

“Alright, see you tomorrow then,” He said, making his way for the door. 

COWARD! Coward, coward,coward. Now he was going to think that she was disinterested, when the opposite couldn’t be more true. She was just scared of what comes next, for a bigger reason then he probably knew. She had this terrible vision of what their entire relationship would be like, what all her others had been like in comparison. She had to stop that from happening, but she stayed resolutely glued to the floor. She wanted to change things, he would get sick of the chase eventually, would want more from her, and she wasn’t sure she could give it to him, but she sure as hell wanted to. The door had shut behind him, he was probably making his way down the street already. 

Alright feet, move! 

She found herself moving towards the door, and she had to think that just for a second her body took control before her mind did. She had expected a chase, that he would be down the street already and she would have to dramatically run to him, call his name out and make him turn to see her. Instead she bolted out the door and tripped right over him from where he was sitting at the top of her stoop. Not exactly the graceful moment she had in mind as her body toppled over his and he had to awkwardly catch her before she face planted onto the ground below. 

“Shit baskets!” She cursed, trying to swing her legs back to being under her instead of behind her head. She knew he was laughing at her, could feel the shaking mirth he had whenever she was angry or flustered. He helped her right herself and made her sit next to him on the steps. 

“A paragon of grace,” He said to her, still laughing to himself. 

“Well I thought I was going to have to chase you,” She said dejectedly and dropped her head into her hands. 

“Chase me?” He asked, looking over at her, eyes shining. “Romantic.”

“Shut up!” She snapped, punching him on the shoulder rather than showing her embarrassment. Punching was probably a stupid idea too. She was supposed to be wooing him, not being a hardass. He made her such a mess and she was sick of feeling like a blundering teenager. “I was going to ask if-“ She stopped, words abruptly dying in her throat. 

“I can wait until you’re comfortable with it,” He says to her. 

“How did you know?” She asked, wondering how he always seemed able to read her mind, a power she had previously thoughts only her brother had. 

“It wasn’t so hard to figure out,” He assured her, hooking an arm about her shoulders. She sank gratefully into his side. She loved the way he was big enough to make her feel normal, safe. 

“I’m just kind of scared I guess,” She finally admitted. 

“I don’t believe you’ve ever been scared,” he jokes with her, holding her tight, making the words she was trying to get out just that much harder to say. 

“I’m scared of you,” She says in barely a whisper. 

“Why?” He asks simply. 

“I’ve never had…,” She pauses, regroups. “I’ve never had a man stay over before.”

“Alright…?” He says, but there is clearly confusion in his voice. She’s not sure how to make it more plain but with a simple word. 

“Intimately,” She chokes out. 

There is a snort of laughter. 

Rage brews within her.

“You’re a virgin?” He asked, clearly unbelieving. 

Ana snaps. 

“Fuck you!” She shouts, standing up and all but throwing his arm back at him, shoving him hard enough that he slips down a few steps. He catches himself on the railing just in time to turn back to the door slamming in his face, feeling stunned. He knew it was the wrong way to say it. He shouldn’t have laughed at her, made her feel like it was something shameful. It had just been a knee jerk reaction, and he couldn’t take it back now. Only damage control.

He went to the door and pounded on it twice. 

“Ana I’m sorry,” He calls to her, hoping that she hasn’t completely given up faith in him. He hears her thump against the door on the other side and sighs in relief. “Please Ana, I didn’t mean it the way you’re thinking.”

“You’re just going to laugh at me again, I knew this was a mistake!” She shouts back and he grows alarmed rather quickly. Her voice sounds thick, and he can’t remember ever having seen her cry. He hit a sore spot alright, more like roundhouse kicked it. 

“I’m sorry I laughed,” He told her sincerely. “You just shocked me is all.”

“How?”

“How what?”

“How did that shock you?” She demanded. 

“Because,” He started, trying to think of the right words. Words had never been his strong suit. “I just figured you would have always had your choice of lovers. That I would be so lucky to be one of them.”

Somehow that was the wrong thing to say, the door flew open and she shoved him again, hard. He had to take a few steps back to avoid from pitching over. Then she was jabbing her finger at him, hitting him square in the chest. He couldn’t help but notice, even for a sleezy second, that there really were some women who were stunning in their rage. Ana just had to be one of them at this uncomfortable moment. 

“I will not be your fetish!” She yelled at him. “I will not be your pity fuck!”

“Would you stop that,” He said, catching her hand before she jabbed him again. “I told you I would wait.”

“And what if I never wanted it? How long would your patience last then?” She fumed. 

“Believe it or not I wanted you for a hell of a lot more than what’s between your legs,” He argued back, anger seeping into him steadily now as well. “Quit being so scared of rejection that you won’t give me a chance!”

“Why should I?” She countered. 

“I’m already yours Ana, even if you make me wait forever,” He told her, and then truly did walk away. He wouldn’t retaliate her anger with his own, they would start a fire that would destroy what he had worked so hard to build. 

She let him walk away, too stunned to stop him. 

 

**((0))**

 

Neither one of them wanted to spare a moment, not to think, not to fight, not to cry in relief or anger or fear. It had been too long, much too long since they had been together, well and truly together. Nora clutched to him like she was afraid at any moment he was going to vanish, knowing the very real possibility that in a way he might. She was shaking already, but eager, bringing his mouth to hers and kissing him with a heat he needed more than air. His body reacted better than his mind, remembering her slowly. He wouldn’t last long, but then again they might not have very long either way. He was in his mind, and she was in hers, and their bodies were going to be one again. That was all that meant anything. 

“Michael,” She sighed, making him shudder under her touch. He kept his mind focused on the here and now. The rustle of sheets beneath them, the softness of her hair on his arm, the strength of her thighs around his waist. He eased into her and was frozen with the pleasure of it. He didn’t quite trust himself to move, but wanted more of her so desperately that it pained him. She cried out and her nails found purchase in the flesh of his shoulders. She needed him in the same urgency in which he needed her. He was scared they were going to shatter, but finally got the presence of mind to move, a gentle rock of his hips. She hissed and met his pace with her own perfectly. She was so wet and warm and inviting, a home he hadn’t known in years.

“Please,” She moaned out, arching her back, trying to bring him closer. 

He reached with one hand and grabbed her backside, lifting her towards him, pushing with as much force as he could. Her body gave a little shake that his matched. He thrust towards her again and again, the pressure building much too fast, he missed her too much to be more than virginal in their long awaited reunion. Then there were her sighs and moans undoing him, begging him to come for her, to come in her. That was all he wanted, but he felt himself slipping, though he tried desperately to hold onto her. When he opened his eyes however, it was not his love he saw, but another man’s. She was blonde and glowing in the early morning sun. Laughing and teasing and clawing at the sheets beneath him. He was lost in her for a moment. 

A moment too long. 

Nora felt more that saw the change in MJ. Her eyes sprung open in a panic and she knew that she was at war with that woman again, that dead woman. She would not let her have him. She clutched his shoulders harder, thought to push him off, but what good would that really do him? Would it push him into another episode? She had to pull him back to her, to claim him once more. So instead she took her hands and moved them to his hips, slowly guided his pace back to matching hers. She reached up and whispered in his ear, just his name, and endearments that she had used most often. She kissed his mouth, stealing his attention back. She would not let him say her name. / She wouldn’t stop. She pulled her to him over and over again, reminding him where his home was by touch and sweat and love. She couldn’t bear it if he called her Allison, she knew that, but she couldn’t stop either. She needed him so powerfully that she felt the tears spring unbidden to her eyes, felt her sex tightening around his. She took her nails and raked them down his ribs, deep enough to draw blood. He cried out and his eyes flew open and he was hers once more. 

He looked down her wildly, as if shocked to be here. She cupped his face gently.

“It’s alright honey, it’s me,” She told him soothingly, stroking his face and neck and shoulders. He looked uncertain, positive that this had to be a dream. He touched her face as though she were the ghost, and not the other woman he had been imagining. 

“Nora,” He said reverently. 

“Yes,” She panted motioning her hips to take him in deeper, gasping in pleasure, showing him that this was all real. “Please don’t stop.”

A shiver ran up his spine and he knew it wouldn’t be much longer. One, two more thrusts and he was gone, lost in her. Release finally came after what seemed like an eternity in the waiting. For a moment he was at peace, with her, joined in a way he couldn’t believe he had ever forgotten. Spent and breathless he buried his face in the crook of her neck, refusing to withdraw from her a moment sooner than need be. He was whispering something over and over again. 

It was her name, only her name. 

 

**((0))**

 

Watching them was a new kind of torture, one he never would have guessed he would enjoy so much. He had always had a kink for pain, so the strain in his shoulders and the biting kiss of the cuffs was nothing too extreme for him. Sitting still however, was proving to be more of the challenge. He longed for touch, knowing already the way David’s body felt, but having Drzej’s still be alien to him, at least in the intimate sense. He watched hungrily as David shed his shirt and pushed his boyfriend back on the bed. 

This was something new to Drzej as well, not used to David being dominant or assertive. He was willing to play along with the role reversal, he had put the poor guy through enough the past week and if his punishment was to just sit back and get fucked then he was pretty sure he just won at life somehow. He snuck a glance at Jamie in his chair and a shot of heat went through him at the sight. Who knew it could be so hot to see your best friend, soon to be lover, strapped to a chair? He smirked and settled his head back on the pillows, feeling David’s familiar weight as he straddled him and slid his body up to meet their mouths eagerly. He wasn’t surprised to feel the heat of the other man, ready and needing. It had never taken much to get him going anyhow. So Drzej reached for the fly of David’s jeans and flicked it open, wanting to see him and touch him, already knowing he wore nothing underneath. 

“Fuck,” Came the voice of their spectator. David let out a devilish little laugh and licked up the side of Drzej’s neck. 

“I hear you again and I’ll have to muzzle you,” David told the other man. He then got off the bed, unbuttoned jeans teasing both men in the room. Drzej couldn’t let him do all the work alone however, and sat up, arms going around David to help him out of the last of his clothes. Jamie didn’t even blink, his breath clearly coming a little faster. 

Drzej nipped at his man’s sides, roping a hand around him to give one long slow stroke, earning him a little sigh of pleasure in return. Then to his surprise David bent at the waist, using Jamie’s thighs to keep balance until their faces were inches apart. He shot a wink over his shoulder to let Drzej know to continue at will and then leaned forward to place a quick kiss on the bound man’s lips. 

“Hello James,” He purred. 

“David,” The other man growls, straining his arms against the cuffs, more out of reflex then because he thought they would actually give way. 

Drzej didn’t need any more provocation than that, placing a quick bite to the back of his lover’s thigh before he reached for the bedside table and then got back settled into position. Watching them like that was intoxicating. Prisoner and warden, touching but not able to touch, it was the best kind of seduction. Andrzej wasted no time lavishing kisses up one leg until he reached that perfect ass. He spread him wide and teased slowly around his entrance with a lazy tongue. He knew David would be ready in minutes and debated if he should reward his boyfriend by fucking him in a timely manner, or if he should see how long they could torture Jamie. 

Torture won. 

David from his vantage of course, could only see Jamie’s face. That face that he loved so much, that face that he was allowed to love so much. He held eye contact even as he slowly felt himself give into the haze of desire. Could there be a more perfect place in the universe than this right here? He wanted to kiss James again, but held back, this was supposed to be a punishment after all. He was caught off guard by the tongue entering him and moaned in spite of himself, eyes lidding in bliss. He squeezed the flesh under his hands and watched as heat started climbing his new lovers glistening neck. He moved his hands up more, not quite touching but getting close to the growing erection so near at hand. When fingers entered David he gasped and lowered himself, his elbows to Jamie’s knees, face a perfectly tantalizing distance from the other man’s straining cock. 

“Drzej please,” David begged, panting a little. Jamie nearly choked trying to keep the whine from escaping his own throat as he watched the two of them. 

Andrzej stood up then, easily slipping out of his pants and kicking them away, member erect and ready. He then pulled David into a standing position and turned him so their mouths could meet, biting sucking and devouring each other. Rather unexpectedly he picked David up, waiting until he was latched on tight before easing him back slightly so his head and shoulders could lean against Jamie’s trapped position on the chair. It skidded back slightly and bumped into the dresser, but when it was known it would not tip over, Drzej pushed himself inside of David and the three of them waited for a dazzling moment as adjustments were made. 

James thought he was going to die of want, that was possible right? David’s face was pressed against the side of his own, and Drzej’s hands came to sit on either side of the head rest of the chair. He was thoroughly confined and was positively throbbing for them even as his arms protested the abuse. David’s legs were wrapped tightly around Andrzej’s hips, one arm latched around his neck, the other braced against Jamie’s legs. It was simply too much to bare, he was sure he was going to come without either of them giving him the attention he so needed. He was panting as well as David, watching each thrust and snap as if he were the one about to receive those things. And to hear David moan like that? Fuck, he had never been more turned on. He had never felt an urge like this before. He rattled at the cuffs uselessly again, and was surprised to find lips on his, Drzej’s this time, and they tasted of David. 

One of Andrzej’s hands came down from it’s perch to caress the side of Jamie’s face, to smooth over his aching shoulder, to tease halfway down his chest and stomach before going back to the rest of the chair to keep balance. Jamie couldn’t stop his hips from straining forward, striving for some kind of friction. David cried out, bit his lip, body tightening, and suddenly the weight was gone. Drzej had picked David back up and had led them over to the bed, and Jamie could do nothing to stop the whine this time. Having them near was hell, but having them in the bed, far enough to not be touching, was the worst of oblivions. 

“No, please,” He couldn’t help but beg. 

Drzej shot him a dark but sultry look before reaching down and taking David in hand, pumping him with a steady rhythm. Their bodies were so attuned to each other after years being a couple, and it didn’t take long to unravel the youngest of them, making him cry out and clutch to the other man’s arms with a white knuckled grip. Jamie felt a similar tightening in his own loins but was denied the release that was so clear to the two of them. Drzej’s orgasm was quiet, a rigidness of his body and a low growl that never escaped his throat, and then the relaxation and drooping shoulders. 

Torture indeed.


	9. Bleakest Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is in for a major surprise!

Drzej was good at mornings. He liked waking up early before anyone else, and was more than used to David sleeping late, or more like David staying in bed until he was retrieved from that bed. So he went about his routine as usual, a little more than surprised when he heard the door to the kitchen creaking open.

“Morning,” James said tentatively, sleep rumpled head and shirt on inside out. It was fucking adorable.

“Hey,” Drzej said easily, nodding his head towards the coffee maker. “I didn’t know you were an early riser. You would think I would know that about you by now.”

“I’m usually not,” Jamie said, still not moving any more into the kitchen. It was strange to see the bold man act so…nervous.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” He said and paused, biting his lower lip. “I just wanted to make sure this was all still…”

“Come here,” Andrzej demanded of him, and when Jamie made no motion took the three steps across the kitchen and put his arms around him.

“You think I changed my mind after just a night?” He says laughing, putting their foreheads together. “You and David are all I want, and it would take a hell of a lot more than a night of drunken sex to change that.”

Finally there was a little laughter.

“I just feel like an intruder,” He admits, but allows himself to relax and be pulled into a kiss.

“Intrude away,” Drzej says smiling, kissing him again and pulling him closer.

When the door opens for a second time that morning James startles away like a frightened animal and the three of them all look between each other. David looks how he usually does in the morning, cranky and ready to go back to bed.

“I-“ Jamie starts to say, and is startled silent by another unexpected kiss, this time from David.

“Shut up I haven’t had my coffee yet,” David tells him, then goes to his other boyfriend and wraps his arms around him. “It’ll take him awhile to get used to it huh?”

“I’m surprised you’ve adjusted so quickly,” Drzej tells him.

“I’m too tired to be anything but grateful…and hungy,” He says.

“I’ll make breakfast,” Jamie says, looking relieved to have something to do. The other two exchange a questioning glance and eyeball him. “What I can cook!”

“Now this I’ve got to see,” David says and smiles. He looks like sunshine.

“Hey now!” He goes to argue further but there is a pounding on the door.

“Agents Washington and North Dakota!”

Their parole officer had arrived.

 

**((0))**

 

As it turned out, it was not their regular man, it was about five or six men, all fully armed marines, led by a woman in a white lab coat. Tex was with them, as well as Church. They filed in without being invited, and one by one the other freelancers showed up. The apartment too small to host them all comfortably, most of them had to sit on the floor in the tiny living space. It was official business, that much was painfully obvious, and it sent more than one of them into internal panic.

“Thank you for being here today,” The woman starts out, her voice is chipper and full of excitement, making the others instantly untrusting of her. They were not a group used to getting good news.

“Like we had a choice,” Michael growls.

“Settle down Maine,” Tex puts forth. “You all should hear what the good doctor has to say.”

“I’ve heard enough already,” He tells her back, making the others grow uneasy.

“Let them decide for themselves,” Church pipes up.

“You are by no means obligated to proceed with the directive,” The woman in the coat says. She looks to Tex and received a nod before swallowing nervously and continuing. “After careful review from my supervisor, the military has agreed to reopen Project Freelancer.”

“No fucking way!” Nora shouts, she is on her feet in an instant and standing in front of MJ. “This is bullshit! Haven’t you taken enough from us?”

“I knew they would never let us go,” MJ whispers more to himself than anyone else.

“It is volunteer only,” The woman tries to clarify.

“Well you won’t find any volunteers here,” Nora insists.

“Let her talk,” Ana says, earning more than one glare.

“There are AI fragments that are stable and never joined with a soldier through implantation. We believe we have the technology to safely implant these AI, and to do more than that. They were all a single mind once, we are hoping to test them functioning as one unit again. That through cloud programming they will be able to feed off of each other in the battle field, that you will be able to share each other’s knowledge through these AI, as though you had one mind. You could be something amazing!”

“That sounds like a lot of hoping and praying to me,” Nora says angrily. “We are not your test subjects anymore. We did our time.”

“This will not be like what the director has done. We will be in a safe controlled environment. We have been testing this technology-“

“Since Freelancer fell, that isn’t a long time,” Nora insists.

“What she is saying can work CT, I’ve developed the program myself, I’ve seen it happen,” Tex tells her.

“You mean….you’ve found a way to piece them back together?” Ana asks curiously.

“Not exactly,” Tex admits. “I have found a way to bond them through the equipment, but the process they underwent cannot be reversed. They can however pull knowledge from the user to share with an outside party. It would be like being able to talk to all of them at once, and the minds they reside in.”

There were a few discreet glances towards Jamie and Drzej, who both looked vastly uncomfortable with the proceedings. What she was saying could be the potential to be something incredible, and also something very dangerous.

“Not only that,” The woman in white said. “But if you agreed to participate, you would no longer be in exile.” She looked at Michael bravely. “Agent Maine, wouldn’t you like to be able to see your daughter again? And Agent Washington, your parents are still back on earth are they not? We could allow you freedom you never hoped to have.”

Drzej’s hand tightened on David’s shoulder. “Don’t manipulate them.”

“I am telling them the truth. Agent Pennsylvania, with one of the new AI’s we could fix the damage-“

“YOU WON’T TOUCH HIM!” Nora shouted and lunged forwards, caught in place by Ana.

“Don’t be an idiot!” Ana hisses at her. “You’ll get yourself killed.”

“She’ll kill us anyways,” Nora defends herself. “She’ll destroy him!”

“She is trying to help us,” Texas tried to tell them all, uproar was clearly imminent. “We could waste away on this planet or we could be what we were trained for, a team. With Dr. Grey’s help we could be the damn best. Jamie tell them!”

All eyes turned to him and he froze, not like being put on the spot. He shook his head no, but Tex was stubborn and would always push harder. “Tell them what you told me.”

“That was private,” He states, looking at his feet.

“You told me you didn’t know how to be yourself anymore, that you missed the life. I know you aren’t the only one. You can’t be the only one who feels useless here. Ana..what about you? You were made to be a soldier, are you really content to play house the rest of your life?”

“No,” Ana pipes up immediately. “I don’t want to stay here.”

“Then listen to her, and trust me. I wouldn’t let you guys get hurt, not again. I know what the Director did to us, to all of us. This time, I will protect you.”

“You aren’t capable of that, you aren’t even human!” Nora yells at her. “Fuck you and your team. Let’s go MJ,” She says and shoves Ana off of her, but MJ makes no move to leave.

“Caboose I said let’s go!”

“I-“

“He wants to hear what she has to say, isn’t that right MJ?” Tex asks him.

“You don’t get to make that call,” Nora fires back.

“She said she could fix me,” MJ says, looking at his lover with pleading eyes. “What if there is a chance?”

“I fixed you! You’re fine!” Nora insisted, close to tears.

“We don’t know that,” MJ says. “Not for sure.”

The room goes silent.

Nora flees.

 

**((0))**

 

“I’m going,” Ana says confidently.

They had been given some time to make the decision, but only until first moon, when the ship would be leaving again, with or without them. Dr. Grey said she had other candidates in mind for the project if they refused, but thought they were the ones that deserved the chance. Not everyone saw it that way however, clear by the fact that Nora had not come back, nor did MJ go after her.

“I will too,” Michael says, earning a glare from Ana. The rest of them are too lost in thought. James feels guilty and cannot even look at his lovers. They had just gotten everything settled and now this? Was it all for nothing? If he wanted to go and they didn’t, could love alone make him stay in exile for the rest of his life? He had sibling he hadn’t heard from in years, nieces and nephews that didn’t even know his name, and would never hope to if he stayed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” He says to Drzej.

“We all miss it Jamie,” He says, watching his own hands. “It’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’ll give you guys some space. Got some packing to do,” Ana says and makes for the door. At the last second she turns and looks at Michael expectedly. “You coming?”

He doesn’t need to say anything, she already knew that wherever she went he would follow.

“I should go find Nora,” MJ says distantly. He is doing better than they had ever seen him here. Speech clear and consistent, eyes in the present, but for a moment he looks utterly lost. “She will never understand.”

As he stands to go David does too, walking him to the door and then pulling him in an unexpected hug. MJ clutches to him tightly for a second, willing this moment to last longer than it could, afraid to face what was to happen next.

“I’m glad you’re here buddy,” David tells him, their height distance making it more of a mumbling sound in his chest. “I’ve missed you Penn.”

“You too Wash,” He says, squeezing him just once more before he makes out the door.

When the door clicks shut behind MJ there is a moment of silence, but that moment is everything. Yesterday, all the petty fighting and domestic drama seemed like their entire lives, but now it was over, in just an instance. If they stayed they would be losing their friends, and the chance of ever getting off this planet alive. They all knew what had to be done, and David was brave enough to voice it first.

“We have to go,” He says from his spot by the door.

“We don’t have to,” James says, trying to be diplomatic.

“My sister is going,” Drzej says by way of explanation. “I can’t let her do it alone.”

“I haven’t seen my parents in ten years,” David says with a laugh. “And they think I'm dead, boy won't they be fucking surprised. Do you think they’ll give us leave before?”

“So that’s it then?” Jamie says exasperated. “We’re just going to leave our lives here? After everything that’s happened?”

“You’re the one that told Tex you missed it!” David reminds him.

“Because I was good at it! Just because I don’t know how to be a good civilian doesn’t mean I want to go back into the fire. What if….What if it tears us all apart?” He asks.

“That won’t happen,” Drzej insists.

“Oh yeah? What if another AI blows up, and this time it’s in his head?” He asks pointing to David. “What if I lose my other fucking eye? What if you get shot? Tell me that you now that won’t happen Andrzej and I’ll go tell that Doctor that I’m ready. Promise me you know that won’t happen.”

“Jamie,” He says, reaching out and holding him gently by the face, meeting him eye for eye. “You know they will take our AI when they go, with or without us. They won’t just leave us here, you have to know that. The only choice we have now is to go with them.”

James turns away abruptly, making for the door. David is torn about whether to stand in his way or not, was it his place to make that choice? If Jamie didn’t want to go what good would it be to force him?

“Please don’t leave us!” A childish voice calls out.

Jamie turns back at the last second, Drzej didn’t even have the heart to tell his AI to logoff, which meant he wanted to say it just as badly.

“Relax, I’m just going home to pack,” He says with a sad little smile, opening and letting the door close gently behind him.

 

**((0))**

 

Nora was a tiny flurry of rage, and the house was getting the blunt of her anger. She was a get angry and break shit kind of girl. MJ was almost afraid to come into the house, she was already screaming at something, horrible mean things that he knew were directed at his absence. Freckles ran to him as soon as he was in the door, oblivious to the fact that the lady of the house was probably ruining everything they owned.

She must have heard the dog barking because she flew down the stairs, falling down the last three in a better effort to throw herself at him. He slammed hard into the front door, forgetting how strong she could be when the occasion called for it. She hammered him a few good times in the chest.

“How could you!” She shrieks. “How could you just leave us!”

“Us?” He asks for a moment in confusion.

“Me and Freckles!” She explains. “You think they’ll let you take a dog with you? You’re just going to abandon us both on the off chance that some stranger can help you?”

“She’s a Doctor Nora, and one of the best. If you hadn’t left so soon you could have heard more about her, an outright genius. If anyone can fix what Epsilon did it would be her,” He tries to say to sooth her, having the opposite effect clearly.

“How could you say that? We were doing just fine without her!”

“No we weren’t Nora, we were to the point where you were more like my mother than my lover. Is that what you want? To babysit me for the rest of my life? Sure, the past few weeks have been better, but what if I relapse again? I can’t do that to you anymore Nora, I need help!,” He says desperately.

“You are leaving me,” She punctuates every word separately and slowly.

“I could say the same thing,” He tells her, refusing to back down. He listened to Dr. Grey’s proposal more in depth after Nora stormed out. She had an AI in mind for him, one that the Director had previously thought useless, and so had stored away and not even considered for his program. She thought though, that it could help Caboose more than anything, that with this AI in his mind, it could stem the damage of what Epsilon had left behind, compartmentalize it, allow him full access of his brain again. He simply could not pass up the chance of that working, even if the very real chance of the procedure failing and leaving him permanently brain dead was his other option.

“But you’re the one leaving, not me,” She says stubbornly.

“Nora I am begging you one last time to just do what is right for me, and I promise I will never ask it again. I will never make you do what hurts you for my good anymore. Please Nora, please don’t make me go alone, because I _am_ going. I need you to understand, and I need you to come, you got that MacLeod?” He asks her.

It seems like an eternity before she answers him back.

“I hate you Caboose, let’s go.”


End file.
